Open Writing

Expecting to be the last of the Old Spice Boys to arrive, I was surprised to be greeted only by Paul and by Andy, who had both good and bad news to report. The good news was that he had enjoyed his morning with the SherpaVan driver going round all the B&Bs in the Ennerdale Bridge area before moving on to all the B&B's in Borrowdale and then being dropped off at the hospital in Keswick. After his hospital visit, he had done some shopping in Keswick before catching one of the infrequent local buses that run from Keswick to Borrowdale. The bad news was that the hospital had told him that his blisters had become infected, put him on a course of antibiotics and told him that he must abandon any walking for the next week or two. This was a major disappointment not only for Andy, but also for the rest of us as he was the one who kept us amused. Tom would be particularly upset as there is nothing he likes more than a bit of confrontation and Andy provides that by the lorry load.

'You were wrong about there being only one lake in the Lake District, Al,' he said in a challenging tone.

'How do you work that out then, Andy?'

'There's a sign in Ennerdale Bridge that says TO THE LAKE and it doesn't mean Bassenthwaite,' he said triumphantly.

'But that's just a local sign directing people to Ennerdale Water.'

'It may be, but it refers to 'the lake' and the local people should know.'

'Well, no one is denying that it's a lake in the true sense that any inland stretch of water is a lake, but the point is that it's not called a lake, Andy.'

'But the sign says it's a lake, so when you told me there's only one lake in the Lake District it wasn't true.'

'Look Andy, the sign directs people to Ennerdale Water. What do you expect it to say — TO THE WATER? That wouldn't mean much to visitors, would it?' I said, attempting to remain calm, knowing that he was deliberately winding me up.

'I don't care. It's a lake,' he insisted.

'Look, the Ordnance Survey map doesn't give it the title of a lake. The map simply says Ennerdale Water. It doesn't say Ennerdale Water Lake and it doesn't say Lake Ennerdale Water. As far as the Ordnance Survey is concerned, it's not a lake.'

'What do they know?' he persisted. 'If the local people call it 'the lake' then it must be a lake.'

'Fair enough, Andy,' I said pleasantly ('irritating bastard' I thought).

Not long after this exchange, the other three arrived and Andy brought them up to date with his news, which they accepted with dismay, although Tom couldn't resist at least one dig:

'I might have known. The youngest member of the team; the only one under sixty and you can't stand the pace.You youngsters have no determination. Just leave it to the over-sixties and we'll tell you all about it when we get back.'