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U3A Writing: Voices In The Dark

Shirley Long tells a tale of two chaps stuck in the “Black Hole of Calcutta’’ in a storm.

"Hey Bill, are you there?"

"Yes, I'm here, Tom. it's dark, isn't it?"

"You wouldn't think we're in an old cricket pavilion, would you? It's more solid than I expected."

*Me too. It hasn't been used for sport for years and years."

"I don't care if they played the England -Australia final on the ground outside. It's keeping the rain off us - that's all that matters to me right now."

"Yair. Inside here will do me fine just now while the rain pelts down outside. Gosh, it's really coming down in buckets, isn't it?"

"Yair, 1 reckon we won't be out of here for a while yet."

"It's so pitch dark in here 1 can't see my watch to tell if it's dinner time. My guts are fair screaming so I reckon it must be."

"I'm with you there Mate. I could do with a nice hot pie and sauce with a good hot cuppa tea.''

"Oh, don't talk about food. My missus is on one of those food fad things right now and meat pies and fish and chips and all those decent things are forbidden in our place. All I get is rabbit food and other stuff with no decent taste or body. Nothing to keep my bones from failing out of my skin."

"I just hope the rain doesn't keep betting down for too long. My missus will give me the rounds of the kitchen when I get home."

"Yair. My old trouble and strife will never believe that I've been marooned in a dark cricket pavilion. She thinks I am after the woman next door to us, but I wouldn't have her for quids."

"Women! You only have to look sideways at another female and you get your old girl's handbag clipping you around the ears."

"It's hard being a husband, alright."

"It's a hard life and I'm getting bored with being in the Black Hole of Calcutta. I want to get out, rain outside or no rain outside."

"I'm with you there mate. After all, if we get wet then so what? We can always dry off."

"I'd rather get wet than have my missus give me the rounds of the kitchen. She's a very suspicious woman and is sure I'm after every woman I see."

"Well, are you?"

"Not all of them. Only the blondes, redheads and brunettes, with big brown melting eyes."

"Mate, you're hopeless. We'll have to get out of here real quick and get back to your missus, or it will be the handbag around the ears for you for sure."

"Well, can you come up with a plan to find the door to this place in the ruddy dark?"

"The next time there's a lightning flash, try to see where the door is and make for it. After all, this place is not that big. We ought to spot the door quite easily."

"Yeah. It's only a little place, just big enough to store cricket gear and give us a bit of privacy when we're changing into our cricket togs ready for a match."

"Who would have thought we would have got caught taking a short cut through the Sports Ground and then getting stuck in the Cricket Pavilion like this?"

"Well, let's hope that the lightning is strong enough to shine through the cracks in this ruddy pavilion so that we can locate the door handle."

"Right. Now if we both keep alert for lightning flashes.''

"Whoops! There's a flash."

"And I think I saw the door over here."

"Well, at each flash we should make our way to the door."

"There's another flash, and there's the door. Don't lose track of it!"

"Ah. I've got it."

"Well, get it open. Good work, it's still raining and we will get wet, but at least we are free. Home, here we come!"


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