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U3A Writing: The Know-Ail

Paul Nicolias tells of his friend, Mrs Know-All.

My friend Maureen is over two score and ten years, born in the back woods of the high upper Murray country. As a youngster she knew everything from the capital of Greece, to who won the 1930 Melbourne cup.

A fine girl full of intelligence, she stormed through primary and secondary schools a gifted young woman. She was set to go to the top university in the country, scholarships galore, that was before she met her flame and soul mate, Carl.

Having raised five children, Mrs Know All could tell you who was having a birthday today or next week. Never forgetting what you said to her five years ago. Heart as big as a whale, she remembers her 14 grand children's birthdays with a big birthday cake. Maureen attended cake decorating classes at night school.

Mrs Know-All has a habit of playing with words and confusing you time and time again. Has a memory like an elephant, never lets you forget mistakes of the past. She reads catalogues that come in the local papers and always says buy your potatoes at Coles, apples at Woolworths and soap powder at the wholesalers. She knows where all the garage sales are in the district, She should have been a doctor. She can diagnose people like me who forget in five minutes what she told me. A great host, she can cook a hot meal in ten minutes, As you leave she says "Don't forget the scraps of food for the chooks or bones for Streaker."

Maureen knows everything, story telling, jokes and spin a yarn or two. She plays games on the computer. You can hear her brain working overtime when she is confronted with a question, and after a minute, Bingo she has the answer. Mrs Know All blitz the field in BP Tick a Box' and the 25,000 Dollar' Great Temptation. Promoters who operate 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' refused Mrs Know All point blank not allowing her on the show.

That's my friend Mrs Know-All.

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