Open Writing

Africa, the land of exotic but dangerous creatures — lions, leopards, elephants, crocodiles, snakes, and hippos. Tsetse flies can wreak havoc, too. And we mustn't overlook the putsi flies and bees.

Around the world there are flies which lay their eggs beneath the skin of various types of animals and, in one case, in a squirrel's scrotum. It's a most unpleasant method of birth control, of course. In central Africa we had something known colloquially as the putsi fly. It had a homely habit of laying its eggs on laundry which was hanging out to dry. If the laundry wasn't thoroughly ironed before you wore it, to kill the eggs, little larvae could burrow beneath your skin and commence the next stage of their life cycle. A couple of my friends were smitten by this problem. The results were horrible to see.

African bees were a bit of a problem. I was stung on the eyelid by one of them and finished up in bed for a while, feeling very sorry for myself. But not half as sorry as one of my friends might have felt — because of a medical condition, a bee-sting could have led to his death.

Ah, but what about Australia, the land of nice furry beasties — cuddly koalas, cute kangaroos, whimsical wombats?

When I moved from Africa to Australia over 40 years ago, one of my brothers gave me a nice little book with lots of colourful photos. It carried the message that there are more types of deadly creatures in Australia than there are in Africa. He was such a thoughtful chap, my brother.

Australia is the only region of the world in which types of venomous snakes outnumber harmless ones. For example, we play host to two types of taipan. One of them is not actually aggressive but woe betide you if it takes a dislike to you. It has the most toxic snake venom on the planet. The other type is aggressive. In both cases, you finish up with paralysis, muscle decay and blood clotting which lead, obviously, to death.

During my 15 years in central Africa, I saw only two snakes in the wild. And on both occasions I was pretty scared. The first slithered across the road while I was driving my car. I had to run over it. The second crossed the road when I was rushing along on my motor-bike. I couldn't brake in time. So I had to run over both of them. I still have the heebie-jeebies when I think what might have happened if they'd somehow missed being squashed, curled up, and found their way under the car bonnet or into my lap.

We're pretty well off for nasty spiders here, too. We have the redback, another name for the black widow. Here we go again... muscular pain, nausea, paralysis of the diaphragm, breathing difficulty. In children and elderly people, death can be the outcome.

I wasn't yet elderly when I stored wine under my house in this leafy suburb of Melbourne. There isn't a cellar as such but the space beneath the floor is roomy enough, provided you didn't mind crawling along on hands and knees. As I'd found redback spiders around the garden, usually lurking beneath rocks or bricks, I took special precautions when I ventured beneath the house. I wore thick gloves and took a small hand-brush to sweep all round me before I entered and moved forward.

I'm not a sea-dipping person but I have been known to paddle. Only in very safe places. I did not wish to make acquaintance with a box jellyfish, also known as the sea wasp, thank you. They can cause death within a few minutes. And then, of course, there are the stonefish. They resemble lumps of rock and so are hard to see. Step on one of them, and you could be no longer with us, as it were, within minutes.

Oh dear me, I think I'd better go and have a little sit down with a nice cup of tea and think about something more pleasant, eh? But did I tell you about the Atrax robustus and Atrax formidabilis, funnnel-web spiders, which . . .

© Copyright Brian Barratt 2010