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Donkin's World: Want For Nothing Christmas

Can't make your mind up on which Christmas presents to buy for friends and family?

Columnist Richard Donkin comes to the rescue.

Christmas shopping? Bored with slippers and perfume? Looking for ideas? You've come to the right place.

First understand this: it's good to shop. Governments are searching constantly for growth in the economy. The only way we can do our bit is to spend, spend, spend and get more stuff. What better time than Christmas to indulge ourselves?

So tear up those charity begging letters and forget the starving millions for once. This is Christmas and for the sake of business everywhere liberate the consumer within. We were born to consume. It's why we exist.

Believe me, I know how easy it is, even as consumers, to fall into the savings trap, putting money away for a rainy day. Resist that temptation. Even worse, if we're not careful we might begin to think we've got everything we need. Well here's something that, deep down, instinctively, we know to be true: that's impossible.

Now shop with confidence in the knowledge that you can never have enough. If you need proof, then read on and get the credit card ready because you won't be able to resist this year's specially selected gift choices brought to you exclusively by Donkin Life. Here goes:

It's always a struggle to find something suitable for your tightwad golf-playing uncle. Not any more. With this twilight tracer ball, he can creep on course at night, avoiding those pesky green fees, and whack his way round in the dark. http://www.twilighttracer.com/

How about your student nephew, finding his feet during his first year at university? Assume that he's already worked out his priorities and colonised the student uni dart board. If he really wants to prove himself to the ladies he'll need to work out with this dart-hand developer device. And if it fails with the ladies all that work won't be wasted. http://www.reddragondarts.com/det/5017/Hand-Xtensor/

What about your teenage daughter? It's a difficult age and girls need to find themselves. Whatever you do, keep her away from the washing up. It can be stressful. One sure way of doing this is to encourage her to maintain her manicure. To that end this Blow Monkey Nail Dryer will prove a godsend. You know she deserves it and at that price why not get one for each hand? http://www.totally-funky.co.uk/Pages/ProductView.aspx?ID=1844&SID=1840

Still sleeping with your loved one? No-one wants to disturb their partner when caught short in the night. This glow in the dark toilet roll, ensures that a grope in the dark is reserved for under the sheets and not the trip to the bathroom: a must for lasting relationships. http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/glow-in-the-dark-loo-roll/index.html

There seems to be a glut of new products designed to ease our night-time excursions. It must be a symptom of modern living and the onset of 24-hour lifestyles. If you want to stay ahead of the trend, particularly if you work as a Golf Club caretaker worried about the threat of new year incursions, you might add a pair of night vision binoculars to Santa's list. At 70 they're not cheap, but neither is a round of golf these days and that's part of the problem. Better to be safe than sorry. http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/10284325.html

Lots of people like food at Christmas but hampers are so last year and who wants yet another box of chocolates? If you know a man who likes a bit of leg - and what man doesn't - why not get him eight, all perfectly cooked and still attached to this oven-baked tarantula. The spider is real so give yourself a warm glow in doing your bit for the environment. Why squash 'em when the world needs protein? http://www.lazyboneuk.com/products/Oven-Baked-Tarantula.html

Warming to the environmental theme, some people need a little reminder about the plight of animals in our crowded world. Overfishing should be a big concern for all of us. What better way to remind your friend, then, than this stuck goldfish bath plug. It's telling me that fish are in a fix. Are you getting the same message? http://www.lazyboneuk.com/products/Stuck-Goldfish-Bath-Plug-.html

Great presents, every one, but I know what you're thinking: there's always that special friend who will insist she wants for nothing. So get her nothing this year. At 5.99 it's a steal. But hurry while stocks last. http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/nothing/index.html

And on a serious note dear readers Richard's books would make excellent gifts for the discerning reader.

To purchase them click on http://www.amazon.co.uk/Blood-Sweat-Tears-Evolution-Work/dp/1587990768/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214554429&sr=1-2



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