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Laugh With Lisa: Holy Humor

Lisa DeMarco brings us seven good chuckles to start the new year.

To purchase a copy of Lisa's book please click on
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=lisa+demarco

And do visit her Web site http://funnyserver.aegauthorblogs.com/

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!”

His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you KNOW what the Bible means?”

The son replied, “I do know.”

“Okay,” the father said. “What does the Bible mean?

“That’s easy, Daddy,” the young boy replied. “It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth!”

**

There was a very generous lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” the postal clerk asked.

“Only the Ten Commandments,” the lady answered.

**

“Somebody had said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up every morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up every morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning!”

**


A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space within a meter. The he put a note under the wind shield wipe that read: “I have circled the block ten times. If I don’t park here, I will miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. “I’ve circled this block for ten years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

**

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our own building program. The bad new is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

**

A minister waited in the line to have his car filled with gas before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. “Reverend,” the young man said,, “I’m really sorry for the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for long trips.”

The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

**

The parish priest was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”

During the service, the parish priest paused and said, “Brothers and sisters, we are in great difficulty, the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. So, any of you that can pledge $100 or more, please stand up!”

At that moment, the substitute organist played “The National Anthem,” and that’s how the substitute organist became the church’s “regular” organist!

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