Sandy's Say: Beverage Psychology
"A beverage, or the act of making and taking someone a beverage, can have so many other connotations. When I was younger and still living in my parents' house, my father would bring me tea in bed each morning before he rushed off to work. There are those who would see this as a sign that I was spoilt but to me it came across as a loving, caring gesture,'' writes Sandy James.
But in In some cultures the making of coffee or tea is considered women's work and therefore it becomes a symbol of subservience and repression.
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I watched on the evening news while they pulled the frail and battered woman from the rubble of the earthquake. As they took her away on a stretcher she could be heard pleading for a cup of tea. I understood. I'd been handed a cup of tea immediately after giving birth to my son and it was the best cup of tea I've ever had. In these stressful situations, tea is not so much about the quenching of thirst (for which water would surely be a better option) but it is rather that a mug of steaming tea gives a sense of post trauma comfort. The very act of having time to sip it is a symbol of a return towards normality, a relief that the ordeal is over.
A beverage, or the act of making and taking someone a beverage, can have so many other connotations. When I was younger and still living in my parents' house, my father would bring me tea in bed each morning before he rushed off to work. There are those who would see this as a sign that I was spoilt but to me it came across as a loving, caring gesture. He used to make my mother a cup at the same time but this one had an ulterior motive behind it. My mother is most definitely not a 'morning person' and we used to battle to get her to wake up, get dressed and take us to school on time. Tea, with its diuretic properties, worked a treat at filling her bladder and forcing her to get out of bed and use the bathroom. If the first cup of tea did not do the trick then we'd ply her with a second.
One morning she woke up so late that she rushed us to school whilst still in her slippers and dressing gown. That, of course, was the very morning that she ran out of petrol. I, who was anxious to avoid yet another detention for being late, abandoned her to her fate and ran the remaining distance.
In some cultures the making of coffee or tea is considered women's work and therefore it becomes a symbol of subservience and repression. I have a friend in South Africa who was going out with an Afrikaans speaking man. Her ultra conservative, potential father-in-law would snap his fingers and say to her, "Koffie, asseblief" or "Coffee, please" and she was expected to go and make him and his friends a pot of coffee straight away. This did not sit well with her, as you can imagine, so she decided to have a conversation with the older man. "I am an English girl," she told him. "I don't do coffee on demand. If I am making coffee for myself then I shall offer you some but otherwise you will have to make it yourself."
She later overheard him telling his friends, "Sy's 'n pragtige meisie maar ongelukkig maak sy nie koffie nie." which translates as "She's a lovely girl but unfortunately she doesn't make coffee." Quite soon after this the young couple split up. She assures us that she was the one who left him but we all suspect that he broke things off under strict orders from higher up in the patriarchy.
Even here in "fair go", liberal Sydney, one of our friends thought it novel and amusing to instruct his four year old daughter to fetch him a can of beer from the fridge. He did this in front of us on a few occasions and whenever he did so I could see her eyes flash in anger at his laziness. I felt sorry for her as she clearly resented it yet she was too young to defy her father, or so we thought, until the day she made a triumphant stand for feminism. The clever little tyke hid around the corner and vigorously shook the can before handing it dutifully to her unsuspecting father.
Clearly she didn't need my sympathy. Here was a young woman who knew exactly how to look out for herself.
