Open Writing

Our parents continued to rely on us more as we showed increased responsibility in taking care of our younger sisters. As I grew older, I helped clean the house as best I could, feeling that if I could just keep things in order at home, our lives would follow suit. It never worked.

One Saturday I spent the whole day mopping and cleaning while Mama and P.G. worked for Cordelia; Mama at the laundry and P.G. building fence. After work they stopped to have a beer. To my dismay, P.G.'s brothers and a friend came home with them at closing time and by noon the next day the house was in shambles. I looked at the spills, empty bottles, and overflowing ashtrays and went to my room where I sat down with my head in my hands and sobbed. I don't believe anyone had even noticed the clean house. But I still continued to try to "fix" things.

I was so focused on feeling sorry for myself that I did not realize the effect my parent's and relative's behavior had on my brothers and sisters. Willie and Jessie would sometimes go to Annie Van Winkle's to stay with her boys, Jake and Pete, when P.G.'s brothers and their friends, showed up at our house. Although this was embarrassing for them, Annie understood our situation. My brothers resented having to give up their beds to drunks who made rude remarks, and never cleaned up after themselves. I had no place to go to escape the situation and besides I felt I needed to be there for my sisters. Phyllis and Reita were always competing for our parent's attention so I became a stabilizing force for them. They regarded me more as a mother than a sister. In turn, Jessie and I felt the same comfort from Willie's unwavering care.

The responsibility we showed in taking care of Phyllis and Reita, as well as ourselves, made our parents rely on us even more. One winter, just before Christmas, Darrel and his wife Opal, talked P.G. and Mama into going to Juarez, Mexico with them. They were gone for several days. In their absence, PCs mother, Delia, found out we had been left alone, and furious, she sent a friend to bring us to her house. When my folks returned she lit into them about neglecting us. That was the only time I ever heard open criticism of their behavior.

In Juarez, they had obviously blown most of their money. The only gifts they brought back were a pair of mittens for me, a basketball and gloves for the boys, and for Reita and Phyllis, two rubber dolls - black ones, because the stores were all sold out of white ones. They also brought my sisters and me some felt jackets decorated with Mexican designs. This was not one of their finest hours.