Born With a Rusty Spoon: Episode 66
...Larry's inability to control his temper continued to be an issue, and for years our life together was not peaceful. Five years after his heart attack Larry underwent bypass surgery. Hoping to avoid his angry outbursts, the boys and I tried to humor and placate him. Our attempts failed...
Artist Bertie Stroup Marah continues her vivid autobiography.
I was thirty-four in 1974 and still working as a secretary for Union Carbide, and still ignoring my artistic yearnings. Larry, thirty-eight, worked for the Fruita Co-op selling seed to area farmers. A persuasive salesman, he earned bonus trips to Hawaii, the Bahamas, and Mexico. His selling drive and edge, temperament, and smoking, also helped earn him a heart attack.
In spite of our tumultuous marriage, I still had feelings for him and tried my best to help him manage his health problems. After recuperating, he decided to start a business of his own—a liquor store in Fruita. With money I had saved, and in spite of deep reservations, I helped him open his business. We both kept our regular jobs and we hired employees to run the store during the day. At night and on weekends, Larry and I took turns manning shifts.
Larry was proud to be the owner of his own business and I viewed it as my duty to help him. Our sons, who were thirteen and sixteen, managed their share of household and outside chores responsibly. When I was scheduled to work at the store, I made sure that the meals were prepared in advance. I did the grocery shopping, house cleaning, laundry and kept books for the store. I was exhausted most of the time.
Larry's inability to control his temper continued to be an issue, and for years our life together was not peaceful. Five years after his heart attack Larry underwent bypass surgery. Hoping to avoid his angry outbursts, the boys and I tried to humor and placate him. Our attempts failed. At times he became so volatile we feared he would have another heart attack. At one point I secretly called his doctors, to ask if his bad temper could be a symptom of his heart disease. They assured me this was not the case.
Just as things smoothed out there would be another eruption. I could sometimes sense "hell on the horizon," but at other times, I was taken by surprise. Although Larry drank very little, when he did, it increased his volatility. His outbursts were timed for devastating effect; he let loose at parties, picnics, and other public events.
If I declined social invitations in an attempt to avoid embarrassment and shame, he was offended. When we did attend such events, and I managed to have fun, he often became jealous and stalked out.
Holidays were the worst. The whole family suffered from his rages, his sulking, and his emotional withdrawal.
Looking back, I now understand that I felt complete despair and helplessness during these intense emotional and physical confrontations. After these episodes, I would replace these feelings with hope —until the next time. All I was doing was storing up depression, one shelf at a time until the closet was dangerously close to full.
His behavior made it difficult for our sons to respect and love him. More than once, their intervention prevented Larry from physically harming me.
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To buy a copy of Bertie's wonderful book please visit
http://www.amazon.com/Born-Rusty-Spoon-Artists-Memoir/dp/1935514660/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1282226141&sr=1-1-fkmr0
To see some of her pictures click on
http://www.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&q=bertie+stroup+marah+pictures&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=5vpkTNykBtKR4gbsgJmWCg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBUQsAQwAA
