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Feather's Miscellany: Edie’s Extra

Edie Summerscales had the answer when presented with a £300 bill for extras at the end of her Mediterranean holiday.

John Waddington-Feather tells a spicey tale.

Edie Summerscales was a right one in her youth. She was as flighty as they come and as a lass had reputation in Keighworth; not a bad one, mind you. She never stepped beyond the bounds of propriety, but it was enough to set tongues wagging in the town – and there were plenty of gossips in Keighworth. However, as she grew up she settled down and wed, raised a family and was a good wife and mother.

Her husband Jack did well in business, as much through her help and advice as anything else, for she was a shrewd business woman. When they retired, she and Jack treated themselves to a luxury holiday in an expensive Mediterranean resort. It turned out to be more expensive than they expected and when they were presented with their bill at the end by the manager, a most oily smooth-tongued man, they were aghast. It wasn’t so much the cost of their apartment which upset her but all the extras, including a £300 bill for a swimming pool, massage studio, hairdresser, manicurist and luxury jacusi bath which were in the hotel.

She stormed into the manager’s office and said, “But we haven’t used any of these extras you’ve listed on our bill!”

“Dear madam,” smiled the oily manager, “yet all these facilities were there ready for your use should you have needed them; and they have to be paid for.”

Edie looked up at him disdainfully and asked for a sheet of paper. Then she scribbled down a bill of her own for £300 and presented the manager with it. “What’s this?” he asked, looking very surprised.

“For extras,” she said.

“But…but I don’t understand,” said the bewildered man.

“Look,” said Edie, “I didn’t use your swimming pool, your jacuzi, nor did I have a massage and the rest.”

“But, madam,” spluttered the manager, “they were there if you’d needed them and quite frankly I don’t understand what your own bill is all about.”

“It’s for service rendered had I been asked,” said Edie calmly looking him straight in the eye.

“Service?” echoed the manager.

“Yes. The service any lady worth her salt can offer a man,” she replied, with a glint in her eye. “It was there if needed and if I’d been asked my price would have been £300, but you never took up my facility.”

The manager was completely floored, but he had a sense of humour and without more ado took the £300 for extras off her bill.

When they got outside, her husband Jack, who was a bit slow on the uptake and who’d stood by saying nothing all the while, naively asked her what she meant by the service any lady worth her salt could offer a man. Without blinking an eyelid she answered, “Any woman worth her salt is a good cook. Had I been asked I’d have baked him a couple of my rich fruit cakes which you like – and in an expensive place like this I’d have charged him £150 each.”

John Waddington-Feather ©


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