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Feather's Miscellany: Gerry Gent

John Waddington-Feather's poem tells of a gent who got his legasl comeuppance.

There was in Florida a guy called Gerry Gent,
a rabid Atheist, whose one intent
in life it was to scupper Christmas, Easter,
Pentecost and all religious feasts
which Christians celebrate throughout the year.
That done, he’d have a go at Jews and queer
their pitch, stopping Pesach, Yom Kippur;
next, the Muslims and their Id-ul-Fur;
then the Sikhs, the Buddhists and Hindus –
the lot he’d ban and make a jinjus
of all Godly practices and rites.
He did for Christmas in old Golden Heights,
a little township on the western coast
which brought in Winterfest, and made the boast
it never favoured any church or sect –
it was, in truth, Politically Correct
in every walk and part of civic life;
there was no bias, never any hint of strife
in Golden Heights; democracy the keynote
of its call as elsewhere in the States; one vote
one person, freedom of speech and liberty-
and Gerry Gent cried all of these to
cite discrimination ‘gainst his creed
of Atheism. He even went to court to plead
that all religious Days and Feasts be banned.
Since Atheists had no such day, he claimed,
nor should Christians and their ilk.
His lawyer spoke most passionately, no milk
and water soppiness was his, but fire
and brimstone words he poured before the judge.
His Honour sat unmoved and wouldn’t budge;
“Case dismissed!” he said. The lawyer asked him why,
protesting Atheists had no Public Holiday.
“You’re wrong,” declared the judge. “Read where
it states: ‘The fool says in his heart there
is no God.’ Psalm 14. Quite clear.
I’ll read it loud in court for all to hear;
and there you’ll find much else is writ for fools
like Mr Gent. I cannot bend the rules
and I pass judgement, better or for worse –
henceforth the Atheists’ Holiday is April First!”

© John Waddington-Feather

Ustaz = professor, teacher
Gaffir = caretaker, janitor
Souk = market place
Imam Nazrin = Christian priest


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