Open Writing

Can we write us news
Miss! Can we do us news?
I've summat to write about
Can we choose?
Last night I was sick in bed
All over't covers
There were bits of green and red,
So I went to get in with me Mam
But Uncle Bill was there,
So I slept with our Sam.

'On Saturday we watched the tele
Zorro was on and Tarzan and we 'ad thee bowls of jelly,
Six packets of crisps and some of Dad's beer
But he don't know 'cos he wasn't there.'

On Sunday me Dad said, 'Come for a ride'
We went to this 'ouse and he went inside,
This lady drew curtains and he stayed about an 'our
The he gave me a quid and said, 'money's power'

Last night my Dad went to the Royal Oak
Me Mam was mad 'cos she said we was broke.
Anyway, he brought 'ome a bird
And me Mam got mad as mad as could be
And ... It were a pheasant and we 'ad it for tea.'

'Last night me and my Dad went pinching lead,
I nearly fell and me Dad he said,
Be careful, lad just how you perch.
Especially when we're on a church!'

This morning it was hawful in hour house
'Cos when we went to the toilet, there was this little mouse
Then we had no toilet rolls, not even one
So me Mam had to cut up yesterday's Sun,
She said, 'That's what you do when you're poor'
Then she hung it on a string on a nail on the door.'

On Sunday I was sad because my Grandad died
Me Mam told us and we all cried
He was my very favourite relation
But me Gran's all right
She's got an alsation'
We 'ad spaghetti last night
It were proper stuff not out of a tin
And when you tried to eat it it wouldn't go in
Me Mam said she'd had it many times
But I didn't like it I'd rather have Heinz.'

Our budgie died this morning,
Me Dad said, 'We'll cremate it'
So he threw it on't fire
But the cat jumped up and ate it.'

'Last yesterday I watched, 'News at Ten'
There was this fella reading it sat under Big Ben
You can now get babies in a test tube
I think it's better, the other way's rude!'

Miss, Miss, can we do us news
I've summat to tell thee
Can we choose?
Miss can you spell it for me
Cos I don't know how and I want to tell it to thee.'

Miss, I aint got any news to tell
We never do nothing
Life's boring as hell!