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Feather's Miscellany: Coffin Dilemma

John Waddington-Feather, writing in his native Yorkshire dialect, brings a poem with a chuckle in its tail.

Jack Roden were deein’ an’ at his last gasp,
liggin’ reight poorly i’ bed;
when his pal made a visit to pay his respects
afore his owd matey were dead.

Tom sat agin t’bedside his cap in his hands,
scarce knawin’ what he ought to say;
he looked sort o’ distant, an’ seemed varry sad
an’ wondered if he ought to pray.

But Jack rallied rahnd an’ oppened his een,
an’ saw Tom sitting theer glum,
so he said varry sprightly: “Cheer up me owd lad,
Ah’m ready to go nah t’time’s come.”

Ah’m net i’ no pain, an’ Ah’m sahnd i’ mi mind,
an’ Ah’m cosy an’ warm i’ mi bed;
soa doan’t look so glum an’ heavy in t’een,
Ah’m peaceful when all’s done an’ said.”

Said Tom: “Ah’m net so upset about thee, Jackie, lad,
t’ problem lies mainly, Ah fears,
wi’ thi coffin an’ thee an’ how t’bearers’ll get
thi boath rahnd that corner in t’ stairs!”

John Waddington-Feather ©

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Yorkshire diealect words:
Deein’ = dying; liggin’ = lying; reight = right, very; owd = old; agin = against; rahnd = round; opened = opened; een = eyes; sahnd = sound; varry = very;
soa = so; boath = both; rahnd = round.

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