« 34 - Hunger Pains | Main | Home Run »

About A Week: Symmetry

"Scientists announced that those who get ahead in life are usually properly and symmetrically shaped,'' writes Peter Hinchliffe.

There's always something to worry about. A leaky roof...the credit card bill...the car engine's making a funny noise...

When you become bored with ordinary every-day worries, you can then turn your attention to bizarre blue-chip reasons for disquiet. Right now my nose is giving me grave cause for concern. The more I look at it the surer I am that it slopes to one side. Not by much. Just enough to create a hint, the slightest suggestion, of imbalance.

Here is good reason to fret. A nose out-of-true could mean that I'm doomed to failure.

Scientists announced that those who get ahead in life are usually properly and symmetrically shaped. The more symmetrical a plant, an insect, an animal, the more succesful it will be.

Dr Anders Pape Muller, a population biologist at the University of Copenhagen and the possessor of a well-balanced symmetrical name has been investigating the effects of symmetry.

Swallows with damaged tail feathers have less chance of finding mates. Bumblebees shun flowers whose petals are not well-matched.

Symmetrical horses run faster: Symmetrical scorpions live longer than their lopsided kindred.

Symmetrical humans, according to researchers, get more fun out of life. Symmetrical men make better lovers. Women with evenly matched breasts have more children.

Oh dear oh me! The more that I look at my nose the more out of line it seems to be. Never mind. If I am to be a failure, so be it. I am reasonably happy with the way I am.

Happy? Don't say happy. There's another cause for concern. It doesn't do to reveal that one is happy.

Another research project, this time carried out by a team of psychologists, indicates that happy people cannot think straight. Miserable folk have clear thought processes.

Dr Mike Oaksford, who led an investigation at Warwick University, said: "We found that happy people show reasoning strategies similar to those observed in patients who have suffered damage to the frontai lobes of their brain."

Happy people tend to be more creative, Dr Oaksford concedes. "What they are bad at is logical reasoning of the kind you need in science and maths. Our research suggests the acquisition of analytical skills would be better induced by a negative mood state."

'Turn your attention to bizarre blue-chip reasons for disquiet'

In other words, you need to be miserable to think clearly.
My happily befuddled brain tells me to flee to some secure place where I will not be button-holed by researching scientists, or brow-beaten with details of their "discoveries".
Perhaps refuge should be sought on some sunny South Seas isle where the natives couldn't care less whether or not one's nose is symmetrical.

But hold on a moment. Here is yet another pronouncement, this time from a team of American scientists. We had best avoid sunny places. They say that just two minutes in the sun is enough to trigger wrinkle-producing chemicals in the skin.
Long before the skin starts to redden enzymes called metalloprotcinases are produced and start to degrade the components of the skin which keep it looking youthful.
So there you have it. To be first past life's significant winning posts you need to be a symmetrical misery-guts who stays clear of sunshine.

Oh happy day!

Who cares about out-of-true noses? From now on the only time you'll catch me looking in a mirror is to see whether or not I've cut myself while shaving.

What's that I've just heard on the weather forecast? Rain in all parts by early next week?

Hurrah! That will do the reservoirs a power of good.

Oh dear though. My roof, my roof ...

Time to start worrying again. In an illogical sort of way.


Creative Commons License
This website is licensed under a Creative Commons License.