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Feather's Miscellany, Feather's Miscellany: The Duke Of Bumptonís Mishap

John Waddington-Feather tells of a duke who damaged his credentials.

The Seventeenth Duke of Bumpton
Had a mishap one day, so Iím told,
On impeccably good authority,
No less than his butler, Tom Bould.

It happened one day in the Springtime,
When the duke was exceedingly glad,
And decided to slide down the bannister,
As he did when he was a lad.

Like most men he never matured,
At heart just a lad all his life,
Chasing good-looking, young lasses,
Till tamed by a sensible wife.

But it looked like thereíd be no successor
When he slid down the staircase that day,
For the acorn carved large at the bottom
Decided to get in the way.

It caught his credentials a wallop,
The pain made him yell out and roar:
ďPlease help me Iím stuck on the acorn
And all my credentials are sore!Ē

The butler just happened to pass by
And helped his poor lordship get down;
But Bumptonís credentials had swollen,
The size of his grand ducal crown!

For months the poor duke sang castrato,
His basso profundo quite gone,
Till slowly the swelling subsided
And he sang with the basses again.

All to his dear wifeís greatest pleasure,
For she made their old bed roll and rock,
Begetting the next Duke of Bumpton,
Whom they christened Bannister Balldock.

John Waddington-Feather ©


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