Home | An Englishman In New York
"Yawn. Never, in the field of meteorological conflict, has a hurricane, even a downgraded Category 1 version, been more hyped than Irene. The news media and weather “experts”, capitalizing on a slow August news day, week, month, succeeded in whipping up a storm about the potentially damaging effects of this hurricane,'' writes David Thomasesson.
David Thomasesson was less than impressed by the prospect of closer military co-operation between Britain and France.
David Thomasesson sympathises with an annoyed airline passenger.
David Thomasesson reflects on American writing, and America's Big Day.
Columnist David Thomasesson considers the vital differences between men and women.
...Still, it’s always useful to have a pilot onboard all dressed in his Sunday best uniform, lots of braid on the peaked cap, very reassuring for the pax. By 2050 “George” will be flying the plane on autopilot at all times, pretty much as he does now, but the co-pilot’s seat will be empty. Well, not quite empty because sitting up with ears perked, will be a dog. Why a dog? It’s obvious really, while the plane will be technologically perfect at flying the plane, the dog will be trained to attack the instant the pilot attempts to meddle with the controls...
Columnist David Thomasesson is a thousand miles away from being impressed by concepts of the plane of the future.
...In one corner were disappointed concert-goers, the youth of today, dressed in their finest scruffery, various piercings, and the inevitable hand-held devices. The other corner held a small group of ladies-who-lunch, much smarter dressed. A quick look at the bar eats (to gauge or wait time for seats) which might delay our customary perch, revealed dishes of mussels preventing an imminent departure...
Dining out in New York can be a lesson in human behavour, as columnist David Thomasesson reveals.
...I can honestly say there were no fat kids in our class. Why would there be; we walked to school, played football in the school yard, and had gym and swimming classes once a week, along with football/rugby for 2 hours...
Columnist David Thamasesson points a healthily lean finger at the bloated, over-eating Western world.
"If someone panhandling really looks hungry, and not just trying it on, they probably are. Have a heart, pull out a few quarters or a dollar bill, and hand it over. You’ll feel good for the rest of the day,'' says columnist David Thomasesson.
Driving through the Hamptons some months ago columnist David Thomasesson spotted one happy squillionaire.
"I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to Druidry. There’s something not quite right, with its dubious origins. Oh sure, it’s an excuse for saving the whale, eco-warrior, granola chomping, Birkenstock wearing, tree hugging, bearded lecturers, ban the bombers, New Ager types and the like (did I miss anyone?) to get in touch with their Earth Mother or whatever, but it’s largely a reinvention of a supposed peoples,'' writes David Thomasesson.
David Thmasesson recalls his amo-amas-amat days.
...Carr noted how a cellphone’s glow attracts human attention, how the constant stream of data disrupts in-depth thinking and how constantly “grooming” one’s Facebook page and other online presences is “a specific kind of narcissism.”...
Librarian Greg Hill subscribes to the view that cellphones (or mobile phones as they are known in the UK) have resulted in rude behaviour.
Continue reading "Cellphones Have Made It Fashionable To Be Rude" »
"The New York subway has PA systems that are a joke with too much empty space in the subway stations, high ceilings, and lousy delivery systems, and incomprehensible conductor announcements,'' say columnist David Thomasesson.
If you are going on a commercial flight in the USA you should delay reading David Thomasesson's latest column until your feet are back on the ground.
"Believe it or not, the weight of your average American is dependent upon the mode of transportation, whether flying, boating or bussing,'' David Thomasesson reports.
"Any fool can follow a recipe but you need just a little bit more creativity to prepare a satisfying supper. And in these tough economic times where every cent counts, your dollars must be stretched to breaking point or at least just before they bounce. You can do this by preparing stews. Stews are simple to make, do not require expensive cuts of meat, and they can be extended almost indefinitely by adding additional starches and vegetables. Trust me I know; I’ve a pot on the stove that hasn’t been cleaned for two years now,'' writes ace columnist David Tomasesson.
Continue reading "Organ Meats “Offally” Expensive In New York" »
...Comedy of Errors will now be titled “What a Cock-up.” subtitled “It’s All Gone Pete Tong.”
Offello will play alongside MacBeff...
Columnist David Tomasesson muses upon The Bard in modern linguistic garb.
Do visit David's Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
David Thomasesson extends, in a deliciously provocative way, our knowledge of the English language.
Continue reading "Callipygian - Word Of The Day, Or Even The Year" »
David Thomasesson highlights the news that America is turning Hispanic.
...Sounds to me that this cosmic laddering leads to massive amounts of distance approximations which are increasingly inaccurate the further away we measure. Why not think of a Very Large Number, add a few zeroes and call it wally. Which just goes to prove that Astronomy is only a slightly more accurate version of Astrology, peering through the mists of time, the cosmic crap, and the galactic garbage to ascertain the truth about who we are, where did we come from, and where are we going. It just used more high tech equipments like candles and rulers, rather than crystal balls...
Columnist David Thomasesson suggests that those "clever'' astronomers don't know their candles from their balls when it comes to measuring the scope of the universe.
Continue reading "Cosmic Distance Ladder And Space Rulers" »
...It all had to end in tears, and it did as I predicted. It’s all very well flapping your wings to get there faster, but when you arrive, where will you park the damned plane? And so it came to pass, landing at LaGuardia we taxied to the Delta terminal and then came the unmistakable sound of the turbine engines spooling down, followed by the dreaded ping-pong sound of your friendly cabin attendant with the bad news that all gates are full, and did we mind waiting 15 minutes....
David Thomasesson's return to New York from a trip down south inevitably ended frustration...
Do visit David's supremely entertaining Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
Continue reading "Planes, Travails and Automobiles – Part 2" »
...La Guardia was busy even at just gone 5 am with a line for the slowest pat-down, shakedown we've ever experienced. It's amazing that people still travel with belts and lace up shoes, despite having to disrobe in front of the travelling hoi polloi. C'mon peoples, help yourselves do...
David Thomasesson and his wife go journeying Down South.
Continue reading "Planes, Travails And Automobiles – Part One" »
David Thomasesson found that this year's overblown Oscar show "lacked a certain element of style, and class; the sort of qualities that only come from the generation of movie stars that had it. Think David Niven, Cary Grant and others of their ilk.''
Do visit David's hugely entertaining Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
David Thomasesson brings you up to speed on 4G.
...In a move that would gladden the heart of any 1960’s school-boy, master puppeteer Gerry Anderson announced this week that a new Thunderbirds series will be made...
David Thomasesson recalls an old-time TV favourite.
Do visit David's Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
"America does not build cars that Americans want to buy, only trucks and SUV’s,'' concludes columnist David Tomasesson after surveying the latest auto sales statistics.
Ace blogger David Thomasesson brings a whole new way of looking at those famous Greeks whose thoughts on this, that and the other have tormented school kids down the centuries.
Do visit David's lively Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
Continue reading "Ancient Geeks - What Not To Teach Your Kids" »
...So now it appears that we must embrace our inner Neanderthal. How odd, pretty soon they’ll have him quoting Shakespeare “Shall I compare thee to summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.” Or not...
David Thomasesson muses on the recent news that Neanderthal man was more sophisticated than we had previously thought him to be.
Do visit David's hugely entertaining Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
Continue reading "Modern Humans And Neanderthals - They're Right Behind You!" »
Did you know that frogs talk to one another? David Thomasesson, humour at the ready, brings surpsing information on the abilites of the concave-eared torrent frog.
Do visit David's entertaining Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
So will those Mongolian ladies be eager to learn how to drink yak's milk without gagging?
Columnist David Thomasesson is less that impressed by Cosmopolitan magaszine's latest oversdeas expansion plans.
Do visit David's Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
David Thomasesson was hugely uinimpressed by New York's new year event.
Do visit David's web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
...I swear some of the kids are way (or is it weigh) too big to be sittin’ and chillin’ in these baby-buggies. Some of these kids should be walking already! Mom should get the burgeoning butterball out of the sidewalk stroller before they get a hernia pushing them around. Exercise, it’s a good thing....
David Thomasesson is cheesed off by selfish moms and outsize baby buggies which litter the shops, elevators and sidewalks of New York City.
For more of David's trenchant and always-readable views please visit http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
...For takeoff, your seatbelt must be fastened low and tight across your lap. No kidding. Insert the metal fitting into the buckle, and pull tight by pulling on the loose strap. To release, lift up on the faceplate of the buckle. If you can’t do this, you shouldn’t be allowed out in public It is important that you keep your seatbelt fastened at all times when seated to protect yourself from any unexpected turbulence or wind, in which case keep it to yourself and do not dump it into the seat cushion...
Tired of those familiar and boring safety announcements by flight attendants before take-off? David Thomasesson suggests a few alternatives.
Do please visit David's invigorating Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
...After take-off BA present you with a lovely little menu card, detailing the choices for lunch and which also indicates the type and timing of the afternoon tea to be served about an hour before landing. And what a little tea it was; sandwiches, a buttered scone, strawberry jam and clotted cream. Absolutely delightful...
David Thomasesson mourns the sad decline in the tastiness of airline food.
Do visit David's Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/
Columnist David Thomasesson meets a famous British Knight of the Realm.
So now Planet Earth has a person appointed to greet visitors from other planets, as David Thomasesson reveals.
Do visit David's entertaining and provocative Web site http://www.britoninnewyork.com/2010/09/poor-english.html
Today we welcome a new columnist to Open Writing - David Thomasesson, an Englishman in New York.
David will write about a wide range of subjects, some serious, some not.
Today he introduces himself - then focuses on the biggest of all subjects - the Universe.
