Multi-legged Beasties
Brian Barratt tells of encounters with creepy-crawly-wriggly creatures.
Home | The Scrivener
November 01, 2013
October 25, 2013
Impossible Love
...Luchino Visconti's 1971 film of Thomas Mann's novel won the Cannes Film Festival Special 25th Anniversary Prize. German friends assure me that it is a masterpiece. That helps to add objectivity to my subjective feeling that it is a truly magnificent film....
Brian Barratt remembers a great film and "loses'' a book.
October 18, 2013
The Personal Face Of Time
Do read Brian Barratt's entertaining article on clocks. It will probably be the best time you spend today.
October 11, 2013
Gnlish
Scrivener Brian Barratt brings us a node from Urdles of the Normic Rune.
October 04, 2013
Small Mercies
Thunk! Thump! Bgrrr!... Brian Barratt wakes up to a rackety day - but pineapple pieces set things to rights.
September 27, 2013
Tower Cranes And Mini Pinschers
Brian Barratt encounters traffic jams at the shopping centre - and creates handy new verb.
September 20, 2013
The Days Of The Spruning
Brian Barratt presents a sparadigm from Urdles of the Normic flune.
The Days Of The Spruning
Brian Barratt presents a sparadigm from Urdles of the Normic flune.
September 13, 2013
Let's Disagree
"It's always good to differ amicably, isn't it?'' muses Brian Barratt, before introducing us to two outstanding singers.
September 06, 2013
Reflecting Society
On the eve of the Australian General Election Brian Barratt considers some of the candidates who are asking for his vote.
August 30, 2013
Gone Before
Brian Barratt tells of a bop-bop-bopping tomato and a disappearing book.
August 23, 2013
The Invention Of Language
...it might surprise you to know, for instance, that English is related not only to German, French and Dutch but also to Persian, Urdu and Ukrainian...
Brian Barratt considers the beginnings of our most wonderful achievement - our ability to turn our thoughts into words.
August 16, 2013
Bettering Their Situation
Brian Barratt's great-grandfather Joseph Armstrong was in the late 19th Century a higgler. To discover what he did do read the results of Brian's fascinating trawl in the deeps of family history.
August 09, 2013
Living
...When they moved from place to place, they took little with them, for they had little to take — sticks, spears, axes, stone scrapers, stone and flint blades, animal hides, furred wraps, strips of animal skin leather, twine, and a few beads which had been carved from stone or ivory or small coloured rocks they had found...
Brian Barratt continue his series of enlightening "stories'' which takes us back to our beginnings.
August 02, 2013
Bitter Controversy
Brian Barratt looks back at the fierce battle of ideas which raged a century ago on whether or not women should have the right to vote.
Bitter Controversy
Brian Barratt looks back at the fierce battle of ideas which raged a century ago on whether or not women should have the right to vote.
July 26, 2013
The Delight Of Her Friends
Should men and women be rivals in the race of virtue? Brian Barratt brings thoughts on relationships and love.
July 19, 2013
Pictures In The Dark
...The boy watched his father make a burning fire-stick to carry when they walked cautiously over the uneven ground into the cool darkness of Keua. At first, he could see only the rough surfaces and the shapes of the natural rock. Gradually, the magic of other-place took hold of him — by the faint light of the flame he could discern animals...
Brian Barratt brings a second chapter of what life was like for the first humans as they tried to understand and make sense of their world.
Before enjoying this chapter you should read or re-read Brian's memorable first episode of the human story http://www.openwriting.com/archives/2013/07/together_with_t.php#more
July 12, 2013
To Afford Pleasure
Brian Barratt presents a few short tales from Select Anecdotes: From Various Sources collected by J.S. Laurie, published in 1864. Laurie explained that the purpose of the series was "to provide the young and, generally speaking, the less educated portion of the community with books which they will find readable... The prime end kept in view will be to afford, in a wide and liberal sense, pleasure and amusement; and to this end whatever bears more directly upon the practical utilities of life will invariably be held subordinate.''
To Afford Pleasure
Brian Barratt presents a few short tales from Select Anecdotes: From Various Sources collected by J.S. Laurie, published in 1864. Laurie explained that the purpose of the series was "to provide the young and, generally speaking, the less educated portion of the community with books which they will find readable... The prime end kept in view will be to afford, in a wide and liberal sense, pleasure and amusement; and to this end whatever bears more directly upon the practical utilities of life will invariably be held subordinate.''
July 05, 2013
Together With Them
Brian Barratt brings us one of the most significant and prescient stories we are ever likely to read.
June 28, 2013
An Agreeable Recreation?
"NOW A FEW YEARS INTO THE 21ST CENTURY, WE ARE PONDERING THE FUTURE OF THE PRINTED BOOK AND THE USES OF THE ELECTRONIC BOOK, AS WELL AS THE PURPOSE OF EDUCATION AND THE FUTURE OF OUR SCHOOLS. I HAVE JUST BEEN RE-READING THE INTRODUCTION AND PREFACE TO A LITTLE BOOK PUBLISHED IN 1864, SELECT ANECDOTES: FROM VARIOUS SOURCES COLLECTED BY J.S.LAURIE. GIVEN THE CONDESCENDING STYLE OF THE WRITER, 150 YEARS AGO, WE MIGHT PAUSE TO CONSIDER SOME OF THE POINTS HE RAISES. AT TIMES, THEY SEEM ALMOST TO FORESHADOW THE 'BATHE A CHILD IN WORDS' DEBATE WHICH DIVIDED AUSTRALIAN EDUCATIONAL SPECIALISTS IN THE 1970S. I WONDER IF IT IS VALID TO ASK IF LEARNING TO READ BY USING E-BOOKS IS A BETTER METHOD THAN 'DRAGGING' CHILDREN THROUGH AN 'elaborate, artificial, and ambitious course of lessons'?'' muses Brian Barratt.
June 21, 2013
Keep It Simple!
If you don't know your clegs from your aryls you really must read this column by Brian Barratt.
June 14, 2013
Friends With Faces
Brian Barratt was surprised by what he found when he re-opened his old Facebook page.
June 07, 2013
A Special Lady
...She had an outdoor weather-worn face not afraid of its wrinkles...
Brian Barratt encounters a very special lady.
May 31, 2013
Technology And Pharaohs
...And then we moved to Ancient Egypt, archaeology, the Great Pyramid, the Sphinx, and umpteen related topics. Good gracious me, it's a long time since I had such a wonderful discussion...
Brian Barratt's mundane eye test evolved into a fascinating journey into ancient times.
May 24, 2013
Cheap And Cheerful
Brian Barratt goes hunting for an egg beater - and ends up a cheerful fellow.
May 17, 2013
Beware Of The Fiend-Scathe!
"If, as some people believe, the Bible is the literal Word of God, it seems rather odd that there is disagreement among translators about what some of God's words actually mean,'' writes Brian Barratt.
May 10, 2013
They Don't Marry
...'They're all perverts, you know,' she observed.
'Who do you mean?' I asked.
'The priests, all those people in the church. They've all got kinky ways.' ...
Brian Barratt recalls a lady who was a jolly good conversationalists - a lady who will now be remembered by Open Writing readers.
May 03, 2013
Rambling Down Memory Lane
...During playtime, some very naughty boys tied me to the railings by the belt of my raincoat. When the bell went, I was stuck there, helpless until a teacher rescued me...
Brian Barratt recalls vivid scenes from his early school days.
April 26, 2013
Of Dogs And Dragons
...if you look up 'dragon' in the first edition of Encyclopædia Britannica, 1771, you are referred to a factual zoological entry for draco, dragon, an amphibious reptile with wings and a cylindrical tail. The flying variety was found in Africa and the East Indies...
Intrepid columnist Brian Barratt takes us within singeing range of the fiery breath of dragons.
April 19, 2013
Spending A Penny
Brian Barratt recalls the excitement, the fun, the relief - and yes, the worry - engendered by spending a penny.
April 12, 2013
Gone Before
Brian Barratt engages our attention with accounts of a book and a tomato which performed disappearing acts.
April 05, 2013
Best Friends
...Carefully proffer the back of your hand, wiggle your fingers, make a nice tsk-tsk noise, and you'll often be greeted by a floor-mop with a vigorously wagging tail...
Ace columnist Brian Barratt surveys the canine scene in Melbourne.
March 29, 2013
Keep It Simple!
Brian Barratt, in lexicographical mood, introduces us to some words we may never never have encountered until now.
March 22, 2013
One Leg Or Two
...Something rather unusual was sitting on his table. It was the upper part, the sheath, of his prosthetic leg. The lower part, with its foot and shoe and sock, was underneath the table...
Writer and social observer Brian Barratt is reminded that there is always someone who has greater problems than you think you have.
March 15, 2013
From Nemesis To Sacred Groves
"Foremost among the related ancient words we still use, of course, is nemesis.,'' writes Brian Barratt, reporting the results of an engrossing dig into the stories behind words.
March 08, 2013
In The Time Warp
Brian Barratt takes us on a tour of a very exceptional gallery which provides "windows'' into past centuries.
March 01, 2013
Never Forget Your Sense Of Humour
...She must have detected that I did have a sense of fun. Perhaps, in an earlier conversation, I had attempted to make her smile, but her tight, longsuffering face never relaxed to the luxury of such an expression. In the context of our conversation, and to counteract my feeling of general misery, she gave me her Message For Life...
Brian Barratt brings a gorgeously detailed word portrait of his first landlady in a small town in Zimbabwe, formerly known as Southern Rhodesia.
February 22, 2013
Send Them Away
Brian Barratt makes a modest suggestion as to where racists could be sent - "somewhere safe, with no 'black' people, where they would have nobody to hate but each other?''
February 15, 2013
The Exploding Fish
Would you complain to a company which prepare a fish which exploded while being cooked in your microwave oven? Brian Barratt thinks you should do so - but you can only hope that complaining makes a difference.
February 08, 2013
It’s blasphemy!
"Taking the name of God in vain has become an everyday practice. Many of us are being very naughty.'' wrotes Brian Barratt.
February 01, 2013
Of Chooks And Books
Brian Barratt, descended from a centuries-long line of professional bookmen, expressed his early enthusiasm for the printed word by reading aloud to feathered friends.
January 25, 2013
The Pregnant Pig
"That's the trouble with elderly people — if we aren't talking about our knees and hips and aches and pains, we're probably comparing notes on what we're not supposed to eat but we eat it anyway,'' writes Brian Barratt.
One day, if you are very lucky, you will bump into Brian in some shop and enjoy a memorable conversation.
January 18, 2013
It's Who They Are
Enthusiastic conversationalist Brian Barratt recognises that chatting to the people we meet makes our world go round.
January 11, 2013
When I Was A Boy We Didn't Have...
Part 4
Brian Barratt concludes his series of personal glimpses into recent history which serve as a reminder of how we used to live. "There is nothing new or startling here,'' he writes. "Just a ramble along Memory Lane.''
January 04, 2013
When I Was A Boy, We Didn't Have...
Part 3
Brian Barratt recalls what life was like before microwave ovens and mobile phones arrived on the scene.
December 28, 2012
When I Was A Boy We Didn't Have...
Part 2
Brian Barrett continues his illuminating ramble along Memory Lane, bringing a personal glimpse into recent history and a reminder of how we used to live.
December 21, 2012
When I Was A Boy We Didn't Have...
Part 1
"Every day, you use a ballpoint pen. You watch television in the evening. Maybe you play a computer game. Perhaps you play a CD or a DVD. If you want a snack, you go to the fridge.
I did none of these things in the 1940s and 1950s. Here are a few of the items that we didn't have when I was a boy in England.'' writes Brian Barratt.
December 14, 2012
Usefull, Delightfull & Protestant
"Never mind Amazon, e-books, Kindle, iPad, and all that sinful modern stuff. Have a diligent and morally uplifting browse through this London bookseller's catalogue, published in 1660.''
Brian Barratt issues a not-to-be-missed invitation.
December 07, 2012
Talking Toward The Lunatic Fringe
Talking to strangers is risky reports Brian Barratt - but it can be more rewarding than walking in wide arcs away from them.
November 30, 2012
Was He Singing To Forget?
...Nowadays, family bakeries still exist but we also have lots of franchised hot bread bakeries, the modern, brightly-lit, well stocked, multicultural versions of those little old village bakeries...
Brian Barratt writes about the essence of life.
November 23, 2012
Lots Of Pans
...In the 1600s, we also had knee-pannes and knee-pans (knee-caps), so named because of their shape. Off we go to the doctor, we elderly arthritic persons, and announce, 'Oh doctor, my knee-panne hurts!'...
Brian Barratt brings us the delicious, delightful, delectable results of an investigation into that simple three-letter word - PAN.
November 16, 2012
On Being Submerged
Brian Barratt manages to stay afloat in this digital fibre age.
November 09, 2012
Of Rocket, Weesils And Venery
"Kissing the daughter of the house and having merry talk with a plain bold maid, well, that was the sort of chap he was,'' writes Brian Barratt of diarist Samuel Pepys, a man who was valiant in the Venus camp.
November 02, 2012
Disappointed
Brian Barratt had a puzzling and annoying experience when he arrived in Australia 44 years ago.
October 26, 2012
The Pick Which
...A honey and Vegemite sandwich was permitted but the line was drawn at baked beans with blackcurrant jam...
Lots of fun can still be had even when insufficient planning has gone into picnic preparations, as Brian Barratt revfeals.
October 19, 2012
Treasure In The Dell
"A slice of rasher bacon? What on Earth do they mean? Rasher as a noun means a thinly cut slice of ham or bacon. For that reason, they could just as well advertise 'a rasher of slice bacon'. Both forms are meaningless,'' writes wordsman Brian Barratt.
October 12, 2012
Improving The Shining Hour
"How doth the little busy bee improve the shining hour? Well, this one does it by keeping his brain alive. And by taking occasional pleasant strolls,'' writes that joyous wordsman Brian Barratt.
October 05, 2012
Of Red-haired Scots And Naughty Priests
...You have only to look at the intriguing surname of one of my great-grand-nephews, Swindlehurst, to see that it also has a long history. A great number of place-names in England start with Swin-, indicating that pigs (swine) were kept there many centuries ago...
Columnist Brian Barratt goes exploring in the thickets and hedgerows of history in search of the origins of surnames.
Now what are the origins of that name Barratt...?
Continue reading "Of Red-haired Scots And Naughty Priests" »
September 28, 2012
A Tale To Treasure
...And let's not forget the interfering magenpies, dancing pigeon, pregnant mantis, nesting swallows, aggressive heron gull, one-eyed tortoise, stolen goldfish, snakes in the bath, and the scorpions... the wriggling squawking panoply is well nigh endless...
Brian Barratt recalls the deliciously entertaining TV series 'My Family And Other Animals', first broadcast by the BBC 25 years ago.
September 21, 2012
Always Doing Something
...When the weather was fine in the summers of childhood which were always warm we staged concerts in our back gardens. The lawn was the stage and a big (to us) wooden clothes-horse draped with blankets was the back-drop...
Brian Barratt recalls the imaginative and enriching days of his childhood.
Here's an article to read, re-read then store in your computer's treasure chest.
September 14, 2012
Targeting You
"While you are reading this, information is being sent from your computer to Google Analytics. That's OK. Open Writing does not carry advertising so you aren't being tracked for your potential buying behaviour but merely for analytical purposes relating to the number of people who visit a particular website,'' writes Brian Barratt in an article which should be read by everyone who surfs the World Wide Web.
September 07, 2012
The Green Arrow
...that implies that at the age of about 58 we start our physical, emotional and intellectual cycles all over again. A sort of internal second birth without any religious connotations...
While waiting at the traffic lights Brian Barratt considers mathematical matters.
August 31, 2012
Of Rocket, Weesils And Venery
'Take Chestnuts steeped in Muskadel, then boyl them, being twenty in number, Satyrions ten, land Crocodils two, Pine Kernels, Pistaches, of each four ounces, Rocket seed two ounces, Cubebs one ounce, Cinnamon half an ounce, Sugar twelve ounces, make an Electuary.'
If you want to know the effect this concoction would have upon a body then do read this sumptuous column by ace researcher Brian Barratt.
August 24, 2012
Fragmentation
...Inside the heavy door, which opened with welcoming ease as if expecting a visitor, there was a darkened passage leading to a staircase. I glanced round, to ensure that nobody had seen me enter. An unnecessary move, I later thought, as I was doing nothing extraordinary. However, what was to take place upstairs, I would come to realise, was quite out of the ordinary as I understood it...
In this unforgettable article Brian Barratt finds himself amidst ancient mysteries and secretas.
August 17, 2012
Jolly Good Show Chaps
Brian Barratt offers some random thoughts about the 2012 Olympiad. Brian is a favourite to win gold in the Word Olympiad.
August 10, 2012
Determined To Be Deceived
...Now, in the 21st century, there is a museum in Kentucky which has exhibits showing children happily playing among dinosaurs, along with Adam and Eve swimming in a river with huge and obviously friendly reptiles. The question of how Noah managed to get a pair of every type of dinosaur into his Ark is answered very simply: they were baby dinosaurs...
Brian Barratt agrees with the comments of a researcher 220 years ago: "fools in all countries are determined to be deceived''.
August 03, 2012
Because Or Despite
Brian Barratt recalls the punishments dished out to keep boys up to the mark at his old school, Magnus Grammar School in Newark-on-Trent.
Whether it was the menace of punishment, the quality of the teaching, or a combination of the two, Magnus produced an astonishingly gifted writer in Brian.
July 27, 2012
How Sharp Is Cute?
Brian Barratt, on another enlightening lexicographical journey, pays acute attention to the derivation of the word "cute''.
July 20, 2012
What You Think You See
"Nowadays, we know that much of what we see in films has been faked; it did not actually happen in the way we see it,'' writes Brian Barratt, revealing some of the trickery which brought us unforgettable helpings of magical entertainment.
July 13, 2012
Mr Pepys And The Leapt Sheep
"Weather has always been a topic of concern, interest and conversation, particularly in Britain where it is so variable that the opening gambit of a conversation can be 'Turned out nice again, hasn't it?','' writes Brian Barratt, a writer whose style has been honed and weathered while living on three continents.
June 29, 2012
Telling It Like It Is
...200 years ago, if you told people off, you counted them out from a group for a particular task. Telling off in the sense of to scold or reprimand is a modern usage ― it’s been around for less than 200 years...
Wordsman supreme Brian Barratt tells us about telling.
June 22, 2012
Being Approved
Leading columnist Brian Barratt suggests we should be alert for things of which we can approve.
June 15, 2012
The Great Debate
...Science is not a static set of ideas or beliefs. Astrophysicists are making discoveries every day. The Big Bang theory is widely accepted, displacing a previous 'Steady State' theory. Evidence is therefore in the form of observation, research, new findings, new facts, and new theories based on physical research and Mathematics. They become 'knowledge on which to base belief' where belief is intellectual assent to what is probable or possible as well as what is demonstrable and replicable.
On the other hand, evidence offered for the existence of God and his role in Creation is in the form of testimony based on what is written in scriptures. Whether or not this equates with scientific evidence is open to question but serious debate is not helped by the scornful responses which Dr Dawkins occasionally provides...
Brian Barratt brings a lifetime of experience and deep thinking to this consideration of the most significant of all debates.
Brian's essay is a generous stimulus to further reading and self-questioning.
June 08, 2012
A Little Stumbled
On another journey of discovery through the history of our language Brian Barratt investigates "umble'' words.
June 01, 2012
It Keepeth Away Drunkeness
"No doubt Samuel Pepys suffered from windinesse, with or without the help of boyled Carrots, but I surmise that Lettuce could have been a most beneficial salad ingredient for him, as it 'keepeth away drunkennesse which commeth by the wine','' writes the inimitable Brian Barratt.
May 25, 2012
Rain Through The Window
... I called the air-hostess, as stewards were then known, and asked her, 'Do you know that this aeroplane is leaking?' She replied, in a most reassuring manner, 'It's a wonder it's flying, never mind leaking!'...
After reading of diarist Samuel Pepys's discomfort on a rainy night at sea, columnist Brian Barratt was prompted to recall damp travel ocassions.
May 18, 2012
When You Boyl Pulse
Brian Barratt tells of the dish pease porridge, still regularly served and eaten in northern parts of Britain.
May 11, 2012
Easing Oneself In 1660
Brian Barratt tells how folk coped with pressing matters 350 years ago.
May 04, 2012
Coffee With Convivial Companions
Brian Barratt, a most congenial coffee companion, tells of the development of the coffee drinking habit in England.
April 27, 2012
A Crocodile's Dog Tooth
'Some say that if you take the dog-tooth of a Crocodile from the left side of his upper jaw, and hang it over one that hath an Ague, it cures him, and it will never come again.'
Brian Barratt delves with delight into "'Eighteen Books of the Secrets of Art & Nature...''
By the way, do you know what a semitertian is? Do, do read on!
April 20, 2012
Hairy Men And Other Surprises
"In March 2012, Encyclopædia Britannica announced that its 32-voume printed version would cease publication. The first edition, published 1768–1771, comprised three hefty volumes with a total of 2,700 pages,'' writes columnist Brian Barratt, proceeding to present some astonishing facts from the first edition.
April 13, 2012
Hurts In The Head
...'Take a Moles tooth out, and let the Mole go, this will cure the Toothache.'
First catch your mole, of course. But perhaps you would prefer to catch and dismember a toad?...
Ace columnist Brian Barratt reveals some of the supposed cures for toothache in the time of diarist Samuel Pepys.
April 06, 2012
Close Stopd Seaven Years
Brian Barratt provides a most inviting introduction to a brave and wholesome drink – metheglin.
March 30, 2012
You Might Be Surprised
“Well, what a surprise. I've just received an e-mail message telling me that my details on a website I've never heard of have been entered or revised,’’ writes Brian Barratt. “What ho, I thought; I'd better have a look.’’
March 23, 2012
The Simple Things
Despite supermarket frustrations, author and columnist Brian Barratt still identifies and finds deep delight in simple things.
March 16, 2012
Pepys On The Tube?
If the great diarist Samuel Pepys was travelling around London by Tube today would he be tweeting on Twitter?
Brian Barratt poses a fascinating question.
March 09, 2012
How To Powder Beef
Diligent researcher Brian Barratt discovers what the great diarist Samuel Pepys meant when he mentioned powdered beef.
March 02, 2012
Horses And Other Food
Brian Barratt introduces us to a dish made with horsemeat called mortadella – then reveals that he is not as carnivorous as he was in former years.
February 24, 2012
Another Look At Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 6
...In Mozart's time, when secrecy was absolutely essential because there was fear of eavesdropping and attack, Masonic symbols were drawn on the floor before a meeting commenced. The use of chalk or charcoal meant that if the Lodge was invaded, they could quickly be erased...
Brian Barratt concludes his englightening series of articles about Mozart's sublime opera, The Magic Flute.
Continue reading "Another Look At Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 6" »
February 17, 2012
Another Look At Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 5
Continuing his fascinating series on Mozart's marvelous opera The Magic Flute, Brian Barratt highlights further references to Masonic ritual.
Continue reading "Another Look At Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 5" »
February 10, 2012
Another look at Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 4
...Light and darkness, day and night, sun and moon, and simply white and black, can all be viewed as pairs of opposites which have their own special relationships. They are all used in 'The Magic Flute' and they all appear in one way of another in Freemasonry...
Continuing his series of articles illuminating what is perhaps the most popular opera ever written, Brian Barratt suggests that what we read into Mozart's "The Magic Flute'' depends on our own particular viewpoint.
Continue reading "Another look at Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 4" »
February 03, 2012
Another Look At Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 3
Brian Barratt, continuing his ruminations on the origin and meanings of perhaps the best-loved work in the operatic canon, indicates direct links to Masonic ritual.
Continue reading "Another Look At Mozart's 'The Magic Flute', Part 3" »
January 27, 2012
Merry Romp Or Mystic Resonance?
Brian Barratt explains why Mozart's opera 'The Magic Flute' has such a strange mixture of ideas and seems to have contradictions within it.
This is the second in a series of six articles by Brian which will enrich your enjoyment of what is perhaps the most popular of all operas.
January 20, 2012
Artists Have To Eat
'It is regrettable but true — artists have to eat, and whether they find a lasting place in history depends on whether they happen to be geniuses or not. The Magic Flute would not have been written had Mozart not needed money desperately.'
Enthusiasist Brian Barratt brings fresh insights into Mozart's best loved and most puzzling opera.
This is the first in a six-part series on what many regard as the most enchanting work in the operatic canon.
January 13, 2012
The Bane Of Our Language
“Newspapers and TV news bulletins bring us stories of fighting, war and slaughter every day. And they are often far too close for comfort. But if we go back 1,000 or 1,500 years, we can see that things haven’t changed much. In terms of the English language, it was all happening at home.’’ writes Brian Barratt, a man with a thirst and an enthusiasm for words.
January 06, 2012
Birds Through My Window
...My next door neighbour isn't at all happy about the peewee which is currently attacking its reflection in one of her windows. Tap, tap, tap, tap, all excited...
Brian Barratt tells of feathered dramas - then brings us a distinctive song.
December 30, 2011
Centuries Of Magic
In this sprightly end-of-year column the inimitable Brian Barratt waltzes from cricket to opera, and opera to cricket.
December 23, 2011
Takeway
Brian Barratt, an author who values words more highly than diamonds, draws our attention to the tasty fact that ordinary everyday words for food items often have more than ordinary stories behind them.
December 16, 2011
Warm Dubban Budder?
"Wordsmiths are fascinated by the history of English. Some of us are also concerned about its future, in Australia at least,'' writes columnis Brian Barratt, a writer with the gift of being able to make words dance, sing and royally entertain.
To read more of Brian's words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 09, 2011
Aunt Elsie's Eponyms
“After hoovering the carpet, Aunt Elsie put on her cardigan, had a quick chicken sandwich in the kitchen, decided not to have a lamington too, and went to the study to write a note with her biro.
No, that isn't the start of a short story, let alone a novel. It is certainly not great literature. It is merely a contrived sentence to illustrate the role of eponyms in our everyday speech,’’ writes number one columnist Brian Barratt.
December 02, 2011
Just Deserts
How fortunate we are to have the likes of Geoffrey Chaucer, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens and even Isabella Beeton to add a little poetry to our exploration of ordinary everyday words, declares ace wordsmith Brian Barratt.
November 25, 2011
A Public Nuisance
“'This isn't the Australia I came to 50 years ago,' said an elderly Hungarian man I stopped to have a chat with at a local shopping centre,’’ reports Brian Barratt, who learns more about the world and its ways from a chance encounter than would a sociologist from a month of formal study.
November 18, 2011
Hard Times
"There is a great deal more to a family tree than merely a list of names and dates. These are real people who lived hard lives in a world very different from ours,'' writes Brian Barratt, revealing a time of cholera and typhus, exacerbated by polluted rivers, rubbish rotting in the streets, open sewers, and poor sanitation as he delves into family history.
November 11, 2011
Head In The Clouds
…An elderly woman with unwilling legs and feet struggled along with her rather resistant trolley of shopping. Two young men in dark suits walked past, noisily talking for all the world to hear. Not talking to each other but separately into their mobile phones…
Brian Barratt observes the fleeting street scene, the passing clouds in the sky, and distils from his observations memorable and delicious prose.
November 04, 2011
Nimble Greetings
With the intellectual nimbleness of a born wordsman Brian Barratt explores the family tree of the word "nimble''.
October 28, 2011
Slenching On The Gleby Ground
Come along now! Quick, quick! What is the meaning of “aryl’’ and “awhape’’?
Brian Barratt goes delving into the corners of our cavernous language which rarely see the light of day.
October 21, 2011
Telling Tales
Brian Barratt tells the fascinating history of the word tell.
October 14, 2011
Humbug!
"Doing crossword puzzles isn't a complete or reliable way of preventing the onset of dementia but it certainly helps to keep the little grey cells active. And it can be very rewarding indeed,'' says wordsman Brian Barratt.
October 07, 2011
Gladsomely Gay
“Have you gladded anything lately?’’ asks Brian Barratt as he sails again on the wonderful Ocean of Words.
September 30, 2011
A Butchers At The Shambles
In his customary entertaining, sprightly and thoughtful way, columnist Brian Barratt takes a well-informed butchers at the multi-meanings of the word “shambles’’.
September 16, 2011
William's Wide Word Web
...It is said that his works comprise nearly 885,000 words, which is about 100,000 more than in the Bible....
Brian Barratt, himself no mean wordsman, takes us on a wonderful lexicological tour through the works of the greatest of all playwrights.
September 09, 2011
Zounds! That's fulsome!
Buxom? Bosom? Fulsome? Enormity?
Researcher, writer and expert guide Brian Barratt takes us on another fascinating and enjoyable journey into the ever-changing meanings of English words.
September 02, 2011
The Beeple Who Said "Boo!''
...The Beeple walked up to a tree. It was a very tall tree with long branches. The Beeple stood in front of the tree and said, ‘BOO!’...
Brian Barratt bring us another delightful story for children. This tale of a Beeple who was eager for adventure begs to be read aloud.
August 26, 2011
The Beeple Who Did Not Know What It Was
Brian Barratt brings us another entertaining read-aloud story for children about a creature called a Beeple which seeks to solve a great conundrum.
Continue reading "The Beeple Who Did Not Know What It Was" »
August 19, 2011
Old In The Dark
…After walking up and down an unlit wide upstairs passage, seeking the right door, I espied someone who had preceded me up the stairs and walked towards a corner in which I hadn't realised there was a concealed entrance. I followed her in. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see about 50 elderly people seated in rows of seats that were ranked in tiers. As far as I was aware, they could not see me. They appeared to be waiting. Quietly waiting…
Brian Barratt allows us admission to an intriguing and disconcerting melodrama.
August 12, 2011
Milli-Amps And A Must-Have
….At the last count, there were five remote control thingummies in this house, each powered by two AAA batteries. My blood pressure monitor needs four AA batteries. To top the lot, a hunting lantern I bought in Africa about 50 years ago needs eight heavy duty D batteries. I never hunted, by the way; I used it for spotting animals in the bush during the night….
Brian Barratt highlights a must-have in modern living – the battery. When highlighting is necessary, where would we be without them?
August 05, 2011
Eye Snuff And Artificial Legs
So how long is it since anyone bought Irish moss, manna or Turkey rhubarb?
Brian Barratt delves in a directory which brings glimpses of life as it was lived a century-and-a-half ago.
July 29, 2011
Hippos And Little Green Men
…I enjoyed the Dandy, Beano and Film Fun comics which I borrowed from friends. Desperate Dan and Lord Snooty were part of our weekly diet…
Our illustrious columnist Brian Barratt tells of comics and cartoons which have become part of his personal folklore.
July 22, 2011
The Hair Of Yesterday
“A haircut in the 1940s was not an experience I relished. To save money, and because I was merely a little boy, my father did the job himself. I think a pudding basin was involved in the earlier years,’’ writes Brian Barratt.
July 15, 2011
The Pale-faced Moon Looks Bloody
For many centuries we humans have been reading terrible portents by gazing into the heavens, as Brian Barratt most entertainingly reveals.
For more of Brian's fabulously readable columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 08, 2011
Coffee With A Terabyte
…A young (that is, less than half my age) woman was sitting at a table with her cup of coffee. I stopped in my tracks. It wasn't a cup. It was one of those foamed polystyrene or cardboard things used by take-aways and some coffee bars. The young woman had a nice face so I asked her, 'Don't they have proper cups and saucers?' And that was the start of a long and fascinating conversation in which we unearthed a few pleasant coincidences….
Reading a Brian Barratt column makes you long to sit and chat with him for a deliciously long hour while sipping good coffee.
For more of Brian’s wonderfully entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 01, 2011
Have A Nice One
Columnist supreme Brian Barratt considers words of greeting and farewell.
For more of Brian’s exhilarating words please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 24, 2011
In 40,000 Years
…40,000 years ago, in Europe, we lived side by side with the Neanderthals. They became extinct around 30,000 years ago. We are still here, pretending that we are the pinnacle of either God's creation or of evolution even though we would not exist if each of us did not have hundreds of billions of bacteria keeping us alive and enabling us to function…
40,000 years from now two space probes launched by NASA should reach their targets. Brian Barratt wonders whether Homo Sapiens will still be around at that time.
Do visit Brian’s engaging Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 17, 2011
The Beeple Who Wanted To Be Something Else
Brian Barratt tells a deliciously silly children's story about an amazing creature called a Beeple who makes an important discovery.
Adults who read this story to children are sure to derive as much pleasure as their eager listeners.
Three more Beeple stories will follow in ensuing weeks.
Continue reading "The Beeple Who Wanted To Be Something Else" »
June 10, 2011
Rannsaka And Bloð
“Those nasty old Vikings were, as you know, remarkable sailors. They had the sheer strength and persistence to get across the wild North Sea in open wooden boats,’’ writes Brian Barratt.
And those marauding Vikings brought with them words which still enrich the English language.
To read more of Brian’s rewarding columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 03, 2011
Hearth And Home
...Those of us who spent our childhood in the northern hemisphere have fond memories of sitting round the fire in the 1940s. Like Bob Cratchit's family we formed a half-circle with our chairs. There was a coal scuttle and an andiron. The poker and coal-tongs were there, ready for use. Also the toasting-fork, with which we could toast a slice of bread or a pikelet, keeping it away from the flames lest it get burnt...
Brian Barratt brings another satisfyingly informative article to warm the cockles of the hearts of all Open Writing readers.
To read more of Brian's columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/">http://www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/">www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 27, 2011
Rising In The Service
…And so we learn about the butler, footman, coachman, groom, stable-boy, and the valet, who is an 'attendant on the Person'. Female domestics will possibly include one or more lady's-maid, upper housemaid, under housemaid, maid-of-all-work, dairy-maid, laundry-maid, upper nursemaid, under nursemaid, and others when one's wife is with child…
Brian Barratt reminds us of those days when if one was “a better class of person’’ one employed servants.
For more of Brian’s columns, which serve so admirably to entertain and inform, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 20, 2011
A Chap Needs A Chair
…I found a flat to rent. It was unfurnished, of course, but it did have built-in wardrobes. And my good Christian employers did provide me with a substitute for a chair — a well-worn brown leather front seat from an old motor-car, with no legs. I kid you not…
A blissfully relaxed Brian Barratt recalls chairs that have brought comfort to his life.
To read more of Brian’s columns, also guaranteed bringers of bliss, please click onhttp://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 13, 2011
White Or Brown
…Some of us who were raised in England in the 1940s knew only two types of bread: white and brown. Standard white loaves, buns and rolls were made by the local bakers. If you didn't like the crust, you were told you must eat it because it would make your hair curly. Well, it worked in my case…
In this tasty slice of prose Brian Barratt informs us that bread has been made for well over 10,000 years.
For more of Brian's nourishing columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 06, 2011
The Wobblies, And More
Brian Barratt takes us on a fascinating journey through the wonderful world of obbles,
For more of Brian’s joy-filled columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-expanding Web sitewww.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 29, 2011
Old Bones And New Figures
...My pals and I used to talk about billion, trillion, quadrillion and even quintillion. One of our favourite statistics was that our planet is 93 million miles away from the sun...
Brian Barratt is awed by some very big numbers.
(EDITOR'S APOLOGY: Due to an oversight there has been an innordinate delay in running this column. In the meantime the numbers cited by Brian have probably grown so big that they can no longer fit into Open Writing).
For more of Brian's sustaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 16, 2011
The Wrong Place
…Creatures have a way of finding themselves in the wrong place. During another African night, when the chirps and croaks of the bush were music to the waking ears. I heard another sound. It wasn't music. It was a quiet tap-tap-tap…
Brian Barratt tells of creatures which have flown, crawled or climbed themselves into a fix.
For more helpings of deliciously entertaining words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 08, 2011
This Time, It Was Not A Dog
"The armchair and its cushions suddenly started shaking and wobbling like mad. This continued for about ten seconds,'' reports Brian Barratt.
And this time he couldn't blame the dog!
For more of Brian's joyously entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his uniquely challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 01, 2011
Beyond The Clockwise Windmill
…There was an old windmill at the little town of Burgh-le-Marsh. When you espied it through the bus windows, you knew Skegness was not far away. Then came the excitement of catching a first glimpse of the distant glimmering sea. In the Summers of childhood, it was always blue…
Brian Barratt goes travelling in cyberspace, searching for old scenes and new information.
For more of Brian’s enriching columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 25, 2011
How Sweet The Potato
'This valuable esculent, next to wheat, is of the greatest importance in the eye of the political economist. From no other crop that can be cultivated does the public derive so much benefit; and it has been demonstrated that an acre of potatoes will feed double the number of people that can be fed from an acre of wheat.' So said that estimable guide to household management, Mrs Beeton.
Who else but the equally estimable Brian Barratt could quote the Queen of Home Economy, William Shakespeare and Charles Dickens in an aticle about the humble spud?
For more of Brian's satisfying columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 18, 2011
Hog's Dung Up Your Nose
Spiders have a use you would never dream of, even after eating a hundredweight of cheese, as Brian Barratt reveals in his own inimitable style.
To read more of Brian's matchless columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 11, 2011
The Wonderful Effect
...Nicholas Culpepper in his Complete Herbal pronounced "There is no better herb to take melancholy vapours from the heart, to strengthen it, and make a merry, cheerful, blithe soul. It makes women joyful mothers of children"...
Brian Barratt delves into the ancient medicinal claims for the herb mugwort, also known as motherwort.
A far better way of dispelling those melancholy vapours and engendering a feeling of well-being is to read more of Brian’s efficacious columns. Please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 04, 2011
From Tomcats To Helen
…It’s rather nice having 120 photos of the contents of one’s skull, in a set of CT scans. The label’s a bit disturbing, though: CT Orbit With Or Without Brain. As the man said, when he had finished, ‘We’ve scanned your brain and there’s nothing there’. How reassuring…
Brian Barratt meditates upon explorations and investigations of the human body.
For more of Brian’s supremely entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 25, 2011
Yes, I Have Not
Brian Barratt does not relish being forced to listen to one half of a shouted conversation.
For more of Brian’s memorable columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 18, 2011
A Dying Art
Brian Barratt, an artist in words, is shocked by poor language and bad grammar used via today’s modern means of communication.
English is a living language but communication seems to be a dying art, concludes Brian.
To share the joy experienced and engendered by a master of words please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 11, 2011
Meeting Minds
...One of my opening gambits is to talk to dogs, but this couple, of about my age, didn't have a dog. They just liked to have a good chat and I'm always delighted when the other person opens the conversation. It makes me feel less of a chatterer...
Engage in a casual conversation with strangers and all at once you find yourself discussing the reformation of the English language, as Brian Barratt reveals.
Lucky the man or woman who encounters Brian in his customary conversational mood. And lucky the reader who discovers his wonderfully entertaining columns http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian's invigorating Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 04, 2011
Simple Pleasures
…But wait, what's this? An Indian stall? Yes indeed. A remarkable display immediately identifiable as Indian. Nothing made of plastic but, rather, of wood, natural shell materials, brass, and some sort of rock. A couple of Buddha statuettes and lots of Ganesh in all shapes, sizes and colours for about $35 each. You knew straight away that they were made in India, not China or Bali, because they all included the rat, an essential partner of Ganesh. Each has his own way of dealing with obstacles…
Brian Barratt writes of the pleasures, some unanticipated, encountered while wandering round a shopping centre.
For yet more reading please please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s mind-expanding Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 28, 2011
Hot Pockets And Palace Tweets
Is your tweet interesting? Or is it merely a public expression of your stupidity and vulgarity?
Brian Barratt is unimpressed by offering from the Twitterati, and that includes the offerings on Her Majesty's page.
For more of Brian’s grammatical, intelligent and always interesting columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 21, 2011
Sheds, Skellig And Straw
…There were lots of sheds. Some might have been wooden sheds, but others were definitely built of brick. My mental picture shows half a dozen, but in reality there might have been only about three…
Brian Barratt reveals how the simple shed has worked wonders on the imaginations of authors, film makers and all those with an appetite for surprise and wonder.
To read more of Brian’s wonderfully satisfying columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 14, 2011
Cereal Stories
…One of childhood's pleasures in England during the 1940s was the wall of colourful cardboard boxes on the breakfast table. Not just a pleasure to look at but also a means of defence. My idiosyncratic father would sometimes cut his toenails at the table…
Who would ever think that cereal boxes could be used as a defensive shield? Brian Barratt delivers another hugely entertaining “box’’ of words.
For more of Brian’s must-read columns clicj onhttp://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his inspiring Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 07, 2011
Free Samples
“My father had a good time being a small boy in the 1880s,’’ writes Brian Barratt.
And, now that Brian has won his battle to be included in the distribution of free samples, he is able to add the comment "Being an old man in the 21st century has its little pleasures, too.’’
To read more of Brian’s generously donated words please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-expanding Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 31, 2010
Mr Gnome's Announcements
…'Y'know,' he announced one day, 'we put up big building. We have engineer, and builder, and arch'teck.'
He would pause to let the Basic Facts sink in.
'But Ancient 'gyptians, they knew 'ow. They had no engineer. No arch'teck. But they build pyramid!' …
Brian Barratt paints a vivid and friendly word portrait of a couple who ran a tiny sandwich kiosk.
To read more of Brian’s unforgettable columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 24, 2010
A Macaroon Is Not A Bravo
...Homonyms are words that are pronounced or spelt the same but have different meanings. The word was coined in about 1697, and is based on Greek words homos, meaning same, and onyma meaning name. Here are some examples: Bear can mean "carry" and also denote a furry animal. Tide is used for the movement of the water of the sea, and it is also in words that denote a season such as Yuletide. File can mean a metal tool used by carpenters and also a cardboard folder...
This is the eighth and (regretably) the final article in a series by Brian Barratt on words with more than one meaning - a series which amply and most entertainingly highlights the richness of the English language.
To read the first seven articles in the series please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian's challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 17, 2010
Of Tides And Tucks
Did you know that the the name of Friar Tuck, famous friend of English legend Robin Hood, in effect means Friar Sword?
Brian Barratt, continuing his outstandingly entertaining series on words which have more than one meaning, confirms yet again the richness and flexibility of the English language.
To read more of Brian's wonderful words please visit
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
Also visit Brian's richly endowed Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 10, 2010
All Sorts Of Trunks
...Trunks for luggage. Trunks of trees. And now trunks on elephants. And there's yet another trunk which plays a vital role in the story of Kim...
Brian Barratt delves into history while considering the multiple meanings of the word "trunk''.
To read more of Brian's supremely entertaining articles on homonyms, and numerous other subjects, please visit
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site
December 03, 2010
Cattle In A Rank Old Pound
...The ancient English village where I was born had a winding street called Pinfold Lane (there were no cattle, horses or sheep there when I was a boy, and it didn't smell.)...
Brian Barratt is our guide on another fascinating journey through time, tracking down the changes in the meanings of words.
To read earlier articles in this series and lots more of Brian's extensively entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 26, 2010
A Pretty Mean Pan
…I meant to say that the mean old fellow had ways and means of playing a pretty mean game of tennis.
Oh dear me, how complicated can the English language get? What do we really mean by "mean"?...
And Brian Barratt is just the chap to delve into history, searching for the meanings of meaning.
For more of Brian’s gloriously entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 19, 2010
Lapping Light
...Isn't it intriguing to know that a part of you disappears when you stand up? It's the part which children, grandchildren, cats and dogs are very fond of. It's there while they are sitting on it. It's gone when you rise. It is, of course, your lap. But how is it that a lap is also the gentle sound of water splashing on something? Or the distance covered by a runner?...
Brian Barratt takes another journey back in time to explore the multiple meanings of a single word.
To read more of Brian's articles about homonyms and many other subjects please visit
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his not-to-be-missed Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 12, 2010
Booting Your Files
Brian Barratt explores the various meanings down the centuries of the word “boot’’.
This is the second article in a 10-part series.
For more of Brian’s deliciously entertaining words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 05, 2010
Pretty Banks
...Words develop new meanings over the centuries. Someone, somewhere, might use an old word in a new way. Other people might copy. The new usage becomes common...
Brian Barrett goes delving into history, tracing the development of words which have several meanings.
This is the first in a series of ten articles.
To read more of Brian’s superb articles and stories please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 29, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: 10 - Beyond The Brink
...He gathered together his strength, grabbed the bottle from the hands of his reeling antagonist, and hurled the evil thing into the fire.
As the flames licked its round belly and long neck, the glass began to melt in the heat....
Briant Barratt brings to a satisfying conclusion his brilliant adapatation of Robert Louis Stevenson's story The Bottle Imp.
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: 10 - Beyond The Brink" »
October 22, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: 9 - Of Loyalty, Secrets And Truth
...There was Kokua, curled on the floor in a state of exhaustion. She cradled the green bottle, with its round belly and long neck...
Keawe finds that his wife has bought the dreaded green bottle.
Brian Barratt continues his marvelous and utterly unforgetable adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson story ‘The Bottle Imp’.
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: 9 - Of Loyalty, Secrets And Truth" »
October 15, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part 8 – Strangers In The Night Of The Soul
...After each day's wearying attempts to sell the bottle, they would sit quietly in their house, exchanging hardly a word. The silence was broken from time to time by Kokua's sobbing. Sometimes, they would pray together. At other times, they placed the bottle upon the floor and watched the flame-shadow hover fleetingly in its depths...
Keawe and his wife Kokua sail to Tahiti to sell the menacing bottle, but find no comfort there.
Brian Barratt continues his wonderful adapatation of Robert Louis Stevenson's story. ‘The Bottle Imp’.
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part 8 – Strangers In The Night Of The Soul" »
October 08, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part 7 - Love's Despair
...One day, coming softly through the house, he heard the sound as of a child sobbing. He found Kokua, on the floor of her balcony, weeping like a lost soul. Her despair came tumbling from her lips: 'Keawe, when you lived alone in your Bright House, the whole island knew that you were a happy man. There was always laughter and song from your lips.'
'Would that I could be so happy again,' he replied, 'and bring such happiness to you.'...
Brian Barratt continues his wonderful adapatation of Robert Louis Stevenson's story The Bottle Imp.
To read earlier episodes please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part 7 - Love's Despair" »
October 01, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part Six - Cure At A Cost
Keawe, smitten by love, sets out to buy back the bottle and regain command of the wish-granting imp.
Brian Barratt continues his marvelously-entertaining adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's story ‘The Bottle Imp’'.
To read earlier episodes of this story please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part Six - Cure At A Cost" »
September 24, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: 5 – Devotion And Dread
…His servant wondered how he managed to continue singing between each mouthful of his evening meal. As the sun went down, and he walked upon his balconies by lamplight, even the sailors in their distant ships heard his voice across the water. The Bright House glowed on the mountain side as he went from room to room, lighting all the lamps. His song continued as he went into his bathroom….
Keawe, former owner of amagic bottle with its wish-granting imp, owns a big house and has met a woman who can share his life and eradicate his loneliness. But then he notices something unusual on his flesh…
Brian Barratt continues his highly entertaining adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson’s story ‘The Bottle Imp’.
Famous artist John Burge provides the illustrations.
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: 5 – Devotion And Dread" »
September 17, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part 4 – Beyond Dreams And The Old Dead
...'No, I'm not suggesting that you ask for another favour. I simply want to see the imp himself. That cannot possibly do any harm. Once I have actually seen him, I shall buy the bottle from you.'
'I am afraid of one thing,' replied Keawe. 'The imp may be terribly ugly. Once you have seen him, you might lose all desire to buy the bottle. Nevertheless, I see that you have the money ready, and I know that you are a man of your word. Besides, I am also curious to see him.'...
Brian Barratt continues his magical and memorable tale which is adapted from Robert Louis Stevenson's ‘The Bottle Imp’.
Celebrated artist John Burge provides the illustrations.
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part 4 – Beyond Dreams And The Old Dead" »
September 10, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part Three - Taking The Good With The Evil
'I fear that you have not heard of the sad events that occurred while you were away. Your uncle, such a fine old man, has died, and your cousin, that beautiful boy, has drowned at sea.'
Keawe, owner of the magic bottle and its wish-granting imp, returns to Hawaii to hear bad news and good.
Brian Barratt continues his magically entertaining adaptation of the classic Robert Lous Stevenson story.
To see pictures painted by John Burge to accompany this story click on http://openwriting.com/gallery/v/johnburge/
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part Three - Taking The Good With The Evil" »
September 03, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part 2 - No Ordinary Bottle
...The street was empty. Nobody was in sight. He carefully placed the strange green bottle in the gutter and walked away. At some distance, he looked back, and saw the bottle still in its place. A little further away, he looked again, and the bottle had not moved. Then he turned into another street. Something bumped against his elbow. It was the neck of the bottle, which was now firmly jammed into his coat pocket. It would not let him rid himself of it...
Having bought the "magic'' bottle Hawaian sailor Keawe finds he cannot get rid of it.
Brian Barratt continues his brilliant adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's story ‘The Bottle Imp’.
Illustrations for this tale were specially painted by internationally-famed artist John Burge. See http://openwriting.com/gallery/v/johnburge/
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part 2 - No Ordinary Bottle" »
August 27, 2010
Through Darkling Glass: Part 1 - A Voyage Of Discovery
...At first, the bottle looked to Keawe like any other wine-bottle fashioned in green glass. But as the old man slowly turned it in his hand, other colours seemed to glow within the green. And though the bottle was empty, Keawe fancied that he saw something move, deep within its rounded belly. It was almost as a tiny flame flickers on the edge of a burning ember, but then it appeared to be a fleeting shadow...
Keawe, a simple Hawian sailor, works his passage on a ship bound for San Francisco. There he sees a splendid little house, is invited inside by its owner, and ends up paying $50 to acquire the green bottle.
Brian Barratt begins his 10-part reworking of a story first told by Robert Louis Stevenson.
Pictures to accompany the story were painted by internationally-famed artist John Burge.
Continue reading "Through Darkling Glass: Part 1 - A Voyage Of Discovery" »
August 20, 2010
Through Darkling Glass - Prologue
Celebrated author and columnist Brian Barratt has adapted the famous story The Bottle Imp, first published in 1891, by Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson.
Brian's adaptation, titled Through A Glass Darkly, will be serialised in Open Writing, a world coup for this Web magazine.
The story has been illustrated by internationally-renowned artist John Burge whose pictures were exhbited with those of Salvador Dali.
John's unforgettable pictures to accompany Through Darkling Glass are already displayed in the Open Writing Gallery.
Today we present a brief prologue to the story, along with word portraits of Brian and John.
The serialisation begins to unfold in next Friday's edition of Open Writing.
August 13, 2010
How Helpful
…It’s no good telling them that the tree is insignificant or has become dangerous. They won’t believe you, in spite of the tangible evidence. You must fill in a form, applying for their Inspector to inspect the tree. A fee? Yes, of course you pay a fee — tree inspectors don’t grow on trees, you know…
Brian Barratt thinks life would be a whole lot nicer if there wasn’t so much officious “help’’ on offer.
To enjoy more of Brian’s exhilaratingly readable columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 06, 2010
Ah, Saturday Mornings
…Old Jack joined us, having unsuccessfully tried to have a two-way chat with Theo, who was laying down the law about something or other. At that point, Norm arrived with his dog, which greeted us like old friends. That dog greets everyone like an old friend. Whereupon Old Jack shared his sausage roll. With the dog, not with Norm. There are ways and means of cementing friendships….
Brian Barratt enjoys his encounters with Saturday morning friends.
To read more of Brian’s supremely enjoyable columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-stretching Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 30, 2010
Did I Tell You About...
…I'm not a sea-dipping person but I have been known to paddle. Only in very safe places. I did not wish to make acquaintance with a box jellyfish, also known as the sea wasp, thank you. They can cause death within a few minutes. And then, of course, there are the stonefish. They resemble lumps of rock and so are hard to see. Step on one of them, and you could be no longer with us, as it were, within minutes…
Brian Barratt tells of creatures great and small which can do dreadful damage to the human frame.
To read more of Brian’s fabulously entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-stretching Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 23, 2010
Florentines And Fluorspar
…A willowy lady of a certain age, wearing a loose ankle-length lavender coloured gown and a lovely floppy lavender coloured garden-party hat was selling, you guessed, lavender products…
Brian Barratt enjoys chatting to the people doing the selling as he wanders around the monthly Craft Market.
To read more of Brian’s superbly-crafted columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging and engaging Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 16, 2010
Coffee Ceramic
…The hospital has recently undergone another round of refurbishment. The small coffee shop has changed hands and is now run by a foreign franchise operation. The ambient aroma is certainly very persuasive…
On a visit to his neighbourhood hospital Brian Barratt becomes acquainted with Coffee Ceramic.
For more of Brian’s delightfully surprising columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 09, 2010
A Wider World
…You can't walk along at more than a snail's pace because the footpaths are packed with tables and chairs which are packed with enthusiastic, chattering and mainly young Asian folk. Every now and then, I paused to read a menu in a window. Reading was enhanced, and appetite stimulated, by lovely full-colour photos of each proud dish. That isn't unusual, of course, but these dishes were, in the vernacular, like, wow, man! I suppose I was drooling by the time I reached the Chinese bakery…
Brian Barratt goes for a stroll in the City of Monash and catches glimpses of the wider world.
To read more of Brian’s joyful columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 02, 2010
Murine Moments
…She (Merle behind the counter, not the pharmacist) is one of those amicable chatty people who make shopping a pleasure. In Summer, we sometimes meet at my favourite Italian coffee shop. I hasten to add that we certainly do not have secret trysts or even arrange to meet It's pure coincidence, you understand. I'm sure she's a respectable married woman…
Wordsmith Brian Barratt celebrates the amiable delight of chance meetings and conversations.
To read more of Brian’s joyous words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 25, 2010
Those Ungathered Rushes
Brian Barratt’s deliciously digressive thoughts skip from an enjoyable ricotta and spinach quiche to an old Methodist Hymn Book,
To read more of Brian’s ever-bright-and-beautiful words please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 18, 2010
Echoing Cheese
…And then the unexpected happened. My little old Grannie came shuffling round the corner, inviting herself to afternoon tea. She was probably wearing her somewhat moth-eaten, secondhand, brown fur coat, regardless of the weather. As she passed the window, she twitched her noble Romany nose, frowned, and called through the open window, in her honest open-hearted way and her rural Lincolnshire accent, "Wot's oop? Are yer drains wrong, then?"…
What was “oop’’ could be summed up in one pungent word as Brian Barratt reveals in this tasty column.
To read more of Brian’s well-flavoured words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his fascinating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 11, 2010
It Isn't Ordinary
…The people over the road don't mind. In a front garden packed with bushes and trees, they have a washing line strung between a small tree and a large bush. There's just enough sun in that area to dry the laundry. The neighbours aren't too happy about this, of course. It lowers the tone of the street. On the other hand, it's rather picturesque to see richly patterned saris and brightly coloured children's clothes hanging there, adding to the multcultural tone of the crescent…
The extraordinary adds zing and colour to everyday life, as Brian Barratt reveals.
To visit Brian’s far-from-ordinary Web site The Brain Rummager please click on
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
To read more of his columns visit
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
June 04, 2010
Everything Belonged, Then
…The covered trucks carrying prisoners of war never stopped. We watched them speed by, the men with large bright X marks sewn onto the back of their shirts. Targets for shooting at, in case they tried to escape. I don't know why, but we boys believed them to be Italians. Perhaps they were being taken to work on nearby farms. Had we believed they were Germans, we would have been frightened. That's how things were, then…
Brian Barratt recalls the London Road traffic of yesteryear.
To read more of Brian’s captivating columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 28, 2010
Priorities
What is the largest living thing in the world?
Brian Barratt brings the answer in this highly entertaining column.
For more of Brian's not-to-be-missed words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 21, 2010
Forty Tales Of The Afterlives
...You thumb your way through very short chapters with titles such as Descent of Species, Spirals, The Unnatural, Adhesion, and Reins. Wait, wait, what exactly is this little book about?...
Brian Barratt reviews a book which boldly imagines possible afterlives.
After reading Brian's review you will undoubtedly be motivated to rush out and buy Sum, whatever it costs. (Please note, this is a review of the UK edition.)
To read more of Brian's vividly entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 14, 2010
Twilight, Tea, And Tide-marks
…Thanks to remarkable computer technology, we can now wander round the streets of towns we haven't seen for many a year. Simply by moving the mouse, shifting the cursor up and down, side to side, we can "walk" through panoramic photos. Memories are brought to life, as well as the changes that have taken place in the past 65 years or more…
Brian Barratt, mouse finger at the ready, strolls down Memory Street.
For lots more pleasant “journeys’’ via Brian’s columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his inspiring Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 07, 2010
Getting Fresh
...When a fast food franchise café invites me to "eat fresh", I think I can be excused for thinking they offer fresh food. However, all the meat of various kinds comes to their shop in frozen or chilled pre-packaged portions...
Brian Barratt brings fresh thinking on a word which can veil as much as it reveals.
To read more of Brian's refreshing columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 30, 2010
Moving, Changing, Disappearing
After “rediscovering’’ a school which wasn’t where it ought to be Brian Barratt was prompted to recall some of the things have moved somewhere else, or disappeared, in the past 60 or 70 years.
Brian's columns bring immense pleasure to those who value top-quality writing. To enjoy more of his words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 23, 2010
The Dinner Table And Beneath
…One evening, we had dinner by candle light. It must have been someone's birthday. The soup was therefore served in semi-darkness. I took a couple of spoonfuls, felt something crunchy in my mouth, and declared without social grace, "This soup is gritty!"…
Brian Barratt recalls comestible horrors with words which are delicious, even though the food was not.
To read more of Brian’s tasty columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do enjoy a repast of fun by visiting his Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 16, 2010
Henry Sparrow Sings
…So I threw down a crumb. He ignored it. Well, there were just too many people hithering and thithering. The noise of people-chatter, squeaky trolley wheels, self-opening doors whooshing back and forth — even friendly sparrows are cautious, you know…
Brian Barratt has an entertaining and thoroughly therapeutic encounter with his friend Henry.
To read more of Brian’s not-to-be-missed columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his entertainingWeb site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 09, 2010
The Spirit of the Beehive – Part Three
“Not all films are produced for entertainment,’’ writes Brian Barratt. “Some have more beneath the surface. They are designed to be analysed before they can be understood.’’
Brian concludes his three-part series which hugely increases our knowledge and enjoyment of the great Spanish film The Spirit of the Beehive.;
To read the first two parts, and many more articles by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his fun-filled Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 02, 2010
Lord of the Flies - 8
…The allegory challenges us to question whether any set of laws would safely ensure the restoration and preservation of moral behaviour in our society or if it would eventually give rise to other forms of dictatorial leadership, mob hysteria, blind faith, and the murder of innocent and often wiser people…
Brian Barratt, summing up his eight-part exploration of William Golding’s The Lord Of The Flies, points to the message in what some consider to be the most important novel of modern times.
To read the earlier articles in these series, and many more of Brian’s words, please visit http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s challenging Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 26, 2010
The Spirit of the Beehive – Part Two
…"Nothing can bring back the happy days we spent together... but I pray to God I may have the joy of seeing you again.... Only the walls are left of the house you remember. I often wonder where the things we had then ended up. It is not nostalgia. It's hard to feel nostalgia after what we've been through these past few years... I look around me and see so much that's missing, so much that's destroyed, and so much sadness. We've lost...our ability to see life."…
Brian Barratt, who writes about books and films with such enthusiasm as to make you feel your life is incomplete if you don’t read or see them, continues his series of articles about the classic Spanish film The Spirit of the Beehive.
To access the first article in this series, along with many more columns by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 19, 2010
Lord of the Flies – 7
…Film adaptations can sometimes disappoint, when they change a story, move the setting, leave out characters, and change the plot. The makers of this film do not seem to have understood the novel or realised that it is an allegory…
Brian Barratt thinks that Howard Hook's 1990 film of “Lord Of The Flies’’ failed to understand the meaning of William Golding’s novel upon which it was supposed to be based.
This is the seventh in a series of eight articles about one of the most significant novels of modern times. To read the previous six, and many more articles by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brian Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 12, 2010
The Spirit of the Beehive – Part One
…Much of the story is conveyed by the face and through the eyes of the young girl, Ana, played by the wide-eyed 7-year-old Ana Torrent.
Conversation is sparse; silence pervades.
There are broad landscapes but they are largely flat and featureless.
There is an escapee in an old barn…
Brian Barratt writes alluringly about the 1973 Spanish film, The Spirit of the Beehive.
This is the first in a series of three articles.
To read more of Brian’s entertaining and profound words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 05, 2010
Lord of the Flies 6
Brian Barratt continues his examination of some of the strands running through William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies’’, a significant and timeless novel.
To read the previous five articles with this series and many more of Brian’s engaging columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 26, 2010
Cautionary Tales – Selection 5
There’s poor Michael, a most forgetful lad. And Tiny Thomas who undressed into the yard. Then we hear of Herbert who lost all his teeth...
Brian Barratt serves up another delicious helping of cautionary tales to delight every reader with a sense of humour.
To read more of Brian’s gloriously entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 19, 2010
Lord of the Flies - 5
Brian Barratt thinks that some interpretations of the novel “Lord of the Flies’’ seem to miss the point.
He suggests that the story points to the location of the unknown fear experienced by all humans.
This is the fifth in a series of eight articles on William Golding’s enduring story. To read the earlier articles in the series, and many other varied columns by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 12, 2010
Cautionary Tales- Selection 4
Brian Barratt presents two more cautionary tales involving children who do not behave as they should.
To readmore of Brian's enduringly entertaining words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-expanding Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 05, 2010
Lord of the Flies - 4
…William Golding is making the point that the shape of society does not depend on systems and rules but on the people who make them. Defects in society arise from defects in human nature…
Brian Barratt’s astute explanation of Golding’s great and imperishable novel goes to the very heart of how we humans organise, or fail to organise, our communal affairs.
To read the first three of this series of eight articles, and lots of othr literary treats by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
For a brisk bout of mental calisthenics visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 29, 2010
Cautionary Tales – Selection 3
…Lucinda, always light upon her feet,
Desired to be a great athlete.
She ran and jumped from morn to night
Creating quite a moving sight…
Oh, but what happened when Linda tackled the high jump?
Brian Barratt brings another choice slection of cautionary tales concerning rather peculiar children.
January 22, 2010
Lord of the Flies - 3
…It is important to note that even though half of the boys were members of a choir, with silver crosses on their capes, and had sung like angels, they have no recourse to whatever beliefs they once had about God. If they previously had any reverence for God, their dire circumstances have erased it from their minds, replacing it with fear of an unknown beast. What they were taught about in church has vanished and been replaced by darkness…
Brian Barratt brings a deeper insight into one of the greatest novels of modern times, William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies’’.
This is the third of eight articles about this significant book.
To read the first two in the series, along with dozens of brilliant articles by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-stretching Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 15, 2010
Cautionary Tales – Selection 2
Children do like to own pets. But a worm? A crocodile?
Brian Barratt tells two more rhyming cautionary tales concerning some rather peculiar children.
January 08, 2010
Lord of the Flies 2
Brian Barratt outlines the plot and introduces the characters in William Golding's classic novel "Lord Of The Flies''.
This is the second in a series of eight articles by Brian on this once-read-never-to-be forgotten story.
January 01, 2010
Cautionary Tales – Selection 1
Brian Barratt introduces us to some rather peculiar children and occasionally their particularly strange endings.
December 18, 2009
Lord of the Flies - 1
…On the surface, this is a story about 30 boys who survive a plane crash after enemy attack, and find themselves on an isolated jungle-covered island. They divide into two main groups. Individuals become both perpetrators and victims of what follows when initial attempts at maintaining law and order break down. The story is more than an adventure — it is a very disturbing allegory…
Brian Barratt begins an eight-part series of articles on William Golding’s novel “Lord Of The Flies’’.
Golding, winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature, made it clear that the interpretation of what he wrote is up to each individual reader.
Brian’s words are sure to encourage the reading and re-reading of a book which. besides being a dramatic and entertaining tale, sharpens one’s understanding of the human species.
December 11, 2009
A Midsummer Night's Wordmaster
Brian Barratt points out that many words appeared in print for the first time in William Shakespeare’s plays.
“It isn't always possible to say whether he invented or coined a new word, or was quick to use it after it came into English,’’ says Brian.
This is the fifth and concluding article in a series about Shakespeare’s magical play “A Midsummer Night’s Dream’’. To read the other four, along with many other entertaining words written by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 04, 2009
Is Jesus Really In The Barn?
Brian Barratt re-views an excellent allegorical film from 50 years ago,,“Whistle Down The Wind’’, in which children believe that a criminal hiding from the police is Jesus.
Brian says the film presents a timely reminder that it is easy to be taken in by a self-proclaimed guru, televangelist or cult leader. “Innocence coupled with a form of ignorance makes some folk gullible to this kind of entrapment. Whether or not the author had this mind is open to question but it is certainly relevant to us today.’’
To read more of Brian’s superb columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 27, 2009
Wilde Time Comforts The Head
…Violet was particularly useful:
The floures are good for all inflammations, especially of the sides and lungs... the hoarseness of the chest...ruggedness of the winde-pipe and jawes, and take away thirst…
Brian Barratt considers the medicinal uses of the flowers and plants of various kinds which are mentioned in "A Midsummer Night's Dream".
To read more of Brian’s life-enhancing columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site The Brain www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 20, 2009
Eclairs, Onions, And Flaming Curtains
Brian Barratt reminds us of some of those tasty treats which do not require the attention of knife and fork.
To read more of Brian’s equally tasty columns please lick on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-stretching Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 13, 2009
Muddled Marriages In Fairy Time
…Lysander lets them know that Demetrius has been having a bit of a cuddle with Hermia's friend Helena. However, Demetrius has now gone off Helena. Oh, these kids!
It's a bit of a kerfuffle, and some nasty threats are made, but Lysander reminds them "The course of true love never did run smooth"….
Brian Barratt reminds us that Shakespeare’s words are as fresh, funny and topical today as they were centuries ago.
This is the third in a series of five articles about “A Midsummer Night’s Dream’’. There is no better guide to the works of the greatest dramatist than Brian.
To read earlier articles in the series, and more of his columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 06, 2009
You Can Blame Shakespeare's Shape-Shifter
…So now you know who to blame if your bed is mysteriously unmade; if you just get too tired to do any more food preparation in the kitchen; if your beer goes flat and somehow loses its fermentation; if the milk in the fridge goes sour overnight; if your auntie or grannie falls on the floor when she sits down and her bum misses the chair…
Brian Barratt reveals some of the beliefs and myths that went into Shakespeare’s creation of the mischievous sprite Robin Goodfellow, also known as Puck.
This is the second of a series of five articles by Brian concerning the play “A Midsummer Night’s Dream’’. To read the earlier article, and lots more sprightly words by Brian, click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit his engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "You Can Blame Shakespeare's Shape-Shifter" »
October 30, 2009
The Secret Of Happiness
Brian Barratt discovers surprising links to the language of the Vikings when he delves into the origin and meaning of the word "happiness''.
To read more of Brian's enlightening columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit his exhilirating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 23, 2009
Getting Into Shakespeare
…On 27 April 1964, I went to the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. Just to be there was a thrill. What I saw on the stage was a dream in itself. It was the 23rd performance in three years at the house of "A Midsummer Night's Dream". The libretto, based on Shakespeare's play, was by Peter Pears and his lifelong partner, Benjamin Britten, who composed the music. The producer was no less than John Gielgud…
Brian Barratt expresses the immense pleasure he has received from various interpretations of Shakespeare’s wonderful play.
This is the first in a series of five articles on “A Midsummer Night’s Dream’’. Make sure you read the other four in Open Writing on forthcoming Fridays. Brian is sure to arouse, or enhance, your interest in the greatest of all playwrights.
To read more of Brian’s columns, including articles on Shakespeare’s “The Tempest'', please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
Also visit Brian’s Web site The Brian Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 16, 2009
Powder, Paper Bags, Predators & Pests
Brian Barratt lives in a quiet little crescent in Melbourne. However, there are irritations.
…The most unwelcome users of the street, however, are drivers who use it as a short cut. It's a crescent, leading in a curve from one main road to another. That's too much of a temptation for folk who think they can avoid waiting at the traffic lights where the main roads intersect…
To read more of Brian’s superb columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his exhilarating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 09, 2009
No Frills, No Liberties
…The Tempest", remember, is a stage play, not a sci-fi scramble. To harrypotterise it would suffocate its meaning and message…
Brian Barratt introduces us to a film version of Shakespeare’s magical film The Tempest, and another film which is a liberal interpretation of the play.
This is the fifth and final article in a series of articles about The Tempest. To read the previous four, and many other satisfying and enlightening columns by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And you are missing a great deal of intellectual fun if uou fail to visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 02, 2009
A Signal Of Social Status
Brian Barratt recalls the days when few people owned cars – and the car one owned could define one’s place in the British class hierarchy.
To read more of Brian’s superlative columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mentally invigorating Web site The Brian Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 25, 2009
Something Rich And Strange
Brian Barratt gives examples of the memorable words and phrases conjured up by Shakespeare, the greatest of all wordsmiths, in his magical play The Tempest.
This is the fourth in a five-part series of articles on this great work. To read earlier chapters, and many more splendid articles by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit Brian's engaging Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 18, 2009
The Shining Hour
When Brian Barratt thinks aloud, on paper or on screen those who encounter the thoughts from his civilised mind are guaranteed a good read and first-class entertainment.
To read more of Brian’s columns in Open Writing click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engrossing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 11, 2009
Control And Freedom
…In modern slang, we might call him a control freak. He loves his daughter but keeps her in the dark as far as his occult practices are concerned. When he wants to summon his supernatural helper, Ariel, he puts Miranda into a deep sleep — he controls what she can and cannot witness…
Brian Barratt suggests that Shakespeare’s magical play The Tempest is about control, and the true nature of freedom.
This is the third in a series of five articles about the play.
To read more of wordsmith Brian’s “magical’’ columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his entertaining Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 04, 2009
I Am Not A Minger
The inimitable Brian Barratt is a man who thrives on conversations with those he meets along his daily highway.
To read more of Brian’s wonderful columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 28, 2009
Beast Or Philosopher?
Brian Barratt quotes from an essay he wrote decades ago on Caliban, the most puzzling character in Shakespeare’s magical play The Tempest.
As a 15-year-old schoolboy Brian was already displaying an originality of thought and a literary skill which down the years has yielded many thousands of entertaining words.
This is the second in a series of five articles on The Tempest.
To read more of his superlative columns please visit http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
Also visit his mind-engaging Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 21, 2009
The 1900s — Ice-cream Cones And Zeppelins
Brian Barratt muses on words – from aerosol to zeppelin – which appeared in a 1972 dictionary, but not in virtually the same dictionary published some 60-70 years earlier.
For more of Brian’s unsurpassably entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "The 1900s — Ice-cream Cones And Zeppelins" »
August 14, 2009
Get Married, Weirdo Dad Tells Daughter, 15
Brian Barratt outlines a story which would have every tabloid newspaper editor slavering in anticipation of printing it.
To read more of Brian’s sterling articles please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his intriguing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Get Married, Weirdo Dad Tells Daughter, 15" »
August 07, 2009
Screaming Quietly
…I typed my username in the first box, and my secret password into the second box. Up came a neat little message to say that there was an Error, please try again. Ah, perhaps it needs the "temporary password that is the same as your username". I typed that in the box. Up popped the same message: Error. Further efforts were fruitless…
All was not sweetness and speed when Brian Barratt started the process of connecting his computer to broadband.
To read more of Brian’s columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 31, 2009
Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet": 5 - Bit By The Envious Worm
…The Prologue to the play does not appear in the First Folio of 1623 but seems to have been incorporated later, perhaps copied from an earlier Quarto edition. It has the immortal words:
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'ed lovers take their life;
Here is real poetry...
Brian Barratt highlights some of the rich poetic lines in Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet.
This is the concluding article in Brian’s five-part series which has enhanced our appreciation and enjoyment of one of the greatest plays ever written. To read the four previous articles, and many more columns by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet": 5 - Bit By The Envious Worm" »
July 24, 2009
Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet": 4 - Naughty Bits
…Please, dear reader, do not berate me for being obscene. This is language used in Shakespeare's time when people were more frank and, in their own bawdy way, fun-loving…
Brian Barratt explains some of the racy language in Shakespeare’s play “Romeo and Juliet’.
This the fourth of five entertaining and informative articles on one of the most performed of all plays. To read the first three, and other articles by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
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July 17, 2009
Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet" - 3 The Words Of The People
…The story involves two families who were of neither the privileged ruling class nor the rough labouring class, but somewhere in the middle. Today, we might call them social climbers. Their sons, however, had much in common with the bikie gangs of today. Tybalt, a belligerent youth of the Capulet family, vigorously played by Michael York in Zeffirelli's film, is the sort of louring kid with whom you wouldn't want to be alone in a railway carriage late at night…
Brian Barratt investigates some of the words and phrases used in Romeo and Juliet.
This is the third of five articles on one of the most celebrated plays ever written. To read the first two articles, and more columns by Brian, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his fascinating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet" - 3 The Words Of The People" »
July 10, 2009
Personal Reflections On "Romeo and Juliet": 2 - A Pioneer of Language
Continuing his reflections on one of the best-loved plays by the greatest of all playwrights, Brian Barratt highlights Shakespeare’s creativity and versatility in his use of the English language.
This brilliant series of articles will be continued next week.
To read more of Brian’s words in Open Writing please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Personal Reflections On "Romeo and Juliet": 2 - A Pioneer of Language" »
July 03, 2009
Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet" - 1 Credibility
…It might also be relevant to keep in mind that in Shakespeare's time all female roles were played by boys. Given the amount of bawdy and sexually suggestive conversation in the play, it might be classified by some folk as akin to child porn. That would not be anything new. The infamous editor Thomas Bowdler (1754–1825) censored all indications of "profaneness or obscenity" in his family version of the plays…
Brian Barratt brings fresh insights into one of the greatest plays ever written, Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet’’. This is the first of a five-part series.
To read more of Brian’s joyful words please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Personal reflections on "Romeo and Juliet" - 1 Credibility" »
June 26, 2009
The Proof In Black And White
…We can see amazing armies rushing across the vast plains of Middle Earth; multitudes of magical creatures whizzing around Hogwarts; nasty denizens of netherworlds emerging from ripped abdomens; zoom-zap intergalactic wars by the dozen. The work of the computer boffins who produce all this is certainly admirable, but do we really need such a barrage of colour, action and noise?...
Brian Barratt says that great films with “special effects’’ were being made fifty years ago – films shot in black and white.
To read more of Brian’s columns, which would be celebrated in any age for their specially entertaining effect on readers, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 19, 2009
Designing Dogs
…Labradoodles, spoodles and schnoodles are "designer dogs", I understand. As such, they are well designed. That's more than can be said for a cross between a beagle and a pug, which for some obscure reason is called a puggle,…
Brian Barratt introduces us to some of the canine characters in his life.
To read more of Brian’s columns of quality please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
For yet more fun visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 12, 2009
Lost In Personal Space
…What made the situation even stranger was that the young people were not even talking to each other. They were chattering loudly and at the same time. It was not a two-way conversation. I glanced round. The disturbing truth became apparent. They both had mobile phones almost glued to their ears and each of them was talking to somebody else far away…
Brian Barratt pleads for us to share our communal space and enjoy face-to-face conversations.
Brian Barratt is distressed to hear two young people sitting together outside a coffee and cake shop, using mobile phones to talk to someone far away rather than chatting to each other.
Enjoy more of Brian’s delectable columns by clicking on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And if you fancy a mental challenge visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 05, 2009
The Glover Has Gone
…Some of us look back to a childhood when there was a simple choice. Chemists sold medicines; bakers sold bread; the post office sold stamps; butchers sold meat; and so on, with hardly any extra goods to entice customers. In those days, grocers sold groceries and hardware came from an ironmonger…
Brian Barratt highlights dramatic changes in retailing down the centuries.
To read more of Brian’s fresh and vital words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 29, 2009
It Helps To Pass The Time
…One day about 45 years ago, in Zambia, my next door neighbour popped in for a chat. On the spur of the moment, we decided to read to each other. From dictionaries….
People do daft things, says Brian Barratt. And some of those daft things add up to another splendid column!
To read more of Brian's words in Open Writing please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his exhilarating Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 22, 2009
An Airedale Starting With B
…Being a few years past three-score-and-ten, one tends to worry a bit about absent-mindedness. It's a relief to know that other people, often much younger, have the same problem. You know the sort of thing. You are busy at the computer, engrossed in your work, when you decide to go to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Off you go, still deep in thought, and find yourself standing in the middle of a bedroom, wondering why you came there…
But it isn’t only those of senior years who are absent-minded, as Brian Barratt reveals.
It is the good fortune for all Open Writing readers that Brian never forgets how to write a brilliant column which is guaranteed to bring a contented smile of appreciation. To read more of his words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 15, 2009
1879 To 1901 —Eras Come And Go
…Among the family heirlooms, I have a quill pen which was probably used by my grandfather. Unfortunately, it is now rather grubby because when I was a boy I used it with Indian ink to practise ornate lettering…
Brian Barratt considers objects, words and inventions that came into being in the 22 years between his father’s birth in 1879 and the the death of his father’s father in 1901.
To see more of Brian’s must-read columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his challenging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 08, 2009
1879 — An Important Year
Some important people were born in 1879, writes Brian Barratt.
…Albert Einstein, Joseph Stalin, Leon Trotsky, E.M.Forster, Kenneth Grahame, Norman Lindsay, Paul Klee, Sir Thomas Beecham (though he wasn't Sir when he was born, of course), and William Barratt. That last one was my father, by the way…
Brian Barratt speculates on how his father would have reacted to some of his contemporaries and their achievements.
Brian’s columns are guaranteed to surprise and delight. To read more of them please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And if you are in the mood for a bout of mental callisthenics do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 01, 2009
The Steame Of Apple Pyes
…At the end of a bicycle drive through country lanes, on a cold winter day, it was often the warm aroma of an apple pie which greeted me when I arrived home…
Brian Barratt writes most deliciously about what many may agree is the tastiest of all subjects.
To read more of Brian’s well-flavoured words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 24, 2009
The Best Pictures
…the drawing itself was not as I remembered it. Memory plays tricks. Perhaps we remember what we want to remember, and embellish it over the years…
The inimitable Brian Barratt delves into some of the illustrated books that he read when young and finds that things are not as memory says they were.
To read more of Brian’s delicious columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mentally refreshing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 17, 2009
A Mingling Of Worlds
…there are folk in the Shetlands, Orkneys, and Western Isles of Scotland, and in Ireland, who might be coaxed out of their reticence to tell us more about seals. In some remote places where the ocean moodily meets the land, folk memories of faerie mingle with mundane reality. Not too far beyond living memory there are tales of mermaids and also of selkies…
Brian Barratt tells of a magical and moving film, "The Secret of Roan Inish", which requires a childlike belief in a mingling of worlds.
To read more of Brian’s wonderful columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And if you are ready to accept the challenge of vigorous mental exercise visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 10, 2009
Hats In My Head
…Next came the years of unwillingly wearing a school cap of the old-fashioned British type. Firstly, the dark blue cap, with an embroidered badge, of Barnby Road Primary School and then the garish red, green and yellow cap, with a coat of arms and "Sicut Deus Vult" (As God Will), of the Magnus Grammar School. ..
Brian Barratt marvels at the extraordinary electro-chemical network comprising the human brain, which, among its tasks, enables us to record and recall the caps we wore long ago.
To read more of Brian’s wonderful columns which deserve a permanent place in every memory bank please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit his mind-engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 03, 2009
I Was A Teenage Course Junkie
…Another correspondence course I bought was not in weekly or even monthly parts. It was on hypnotism, and turned out to be a less-than-impressive, badly printed booklet. Nevertheless, it was interesting enough. The scrappy knowledge it conveyed might just have enabled me to hypnotise at least one friend, some years later…
Brian Barratt confesses to a teenage addiction to correspondence courses.
To read more of Brian’s superlative columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mentally invigorating Web site The Brian Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 27, 2009
A Personal Significance
With infectious enthusiasm Brian Barratt introduces us to some of the special books in his life.
For more of Brian’s wonderful words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his intellectually invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 20, 2009
This Time, It Was Not A Dog
…I was sitting with my elbow on the desk while I held the telephone to my ear. My upright forearm began to move almost imperceptibly to and fro of its own accord. There was a shout from the office next door, "Mr Barratt! What's happening?" It wasn't so much a shout as a scream of fear…
Brian Barratt recalls his experiences of days when the Earth has had the shakes.
To read more of Brian’s hugely entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 13, 2009
Just The One Crumb
So what ingredients would you expect to find in a packet of dehydrated bread crumbs? Brian Barratt lists some of them:
…wheat flour, wholemeal what flour, kibbled rye, linseed, granary malt, kibbled corn, triticale (yes, I had to look that one up, too), kibbled barley, rolled oats, kibbled maize, baker's yeast, rye flour, vegetable fibre (old dried cabbages, is it?), gluten, salt, canola oil, wheat bran, oat bran, sunflour (I think they must mean sunflower) kernels, sesame seed, kibbled soy, soy flour, vinegar, roasted malt flour, semolina (takes me back to my childhood, that one), molasses, fish oil, milk... and the list goes on and on…
To which the reader of Brian’s entertaining column can only exclaim -
Crumbs!
For lots more fun and games do please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 06, 2009
Managing Without
Brian Barratt’s mother philosophically accepted a life with few material possessions. Along with many another housewife in the 1930s, used to making do with very little, she would have disapproved of the extensive range of electronic gadgets now deemed necessary for every-day living.
To read more of Brian’s brilliant columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his brain-enriching Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 27, 2009
Breaking New Ground
…For the readings on audiocassette, I commissioned Patricia Kennedy, doyen of Australian actresses. Our first Australian audiobooks were published in 1979. They sold so well that we did a reprint. That was significant, as the printings were far larger than was normal for children's books at the time…
Brian Barratt recalls the exciting days when he introduced audiobooks to Australia, writing a vital chapter in the country’s publishing history.
To read more of Brian’s inimitable columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-stretching Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 23, 2009
A Day Of Mourning, A Day Of Hope
…Today, 22 February 2009, is the National Day of Mourning for victims of the catastrophic bushfires which broke out in the State of Victoria just two weeks ago, and are still burning in a few places. A day of mourning, a day of thanks, a day of hope, a day never to be forgotten…
Brian Barratt writes movingly of the ceremony mourning those who lost their lives in Australia’s most destructive bush fires.
February 20, 2009
Serving One's Country - Bookselling In Zambia, Part Two
…Our auditor was a qualified pilot and the agent for Piper aircraft. My accountant, a Polish Countess who had once been a Captain in the British Army (I kid you not), prepared a hamper of luxurious food. I knew that she was a gourmet cook — the visitors had no idea what might be in that hamper…
Brian Barratt found himself working alongside some astonishingly accomplished folk while selling books in Zambia.
For the first two episodes of this intriguing three-part series please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
For lots more fun and games please visit www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Serving One's Country - Bookselling In Zambia, Part Two" »
February 14, 2009
Will It Happen Again?
...In the State of Victoria, we have had the worst bushfires ever experienced in Australia. After six days, 5,000 fire-fighters are still out there, trying to bring 30 fires under control. 5,000 people are homeless. Over 1,000 homes have been destroyed. Over 180 people have been killed. Many people with terrible burns are being treated in hospital. Tent cities have been set up for refugees and survivors. Thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, of head of livestock are being sent to abattoirs because of injury or lack of fodder. Over 400,000 hectares (that's nearly a million acres) of land have been burnt out.
Today, as I write, a haze of smoke covers the suburb where I live. It is being blown by the wind from fires about 50 kilometres away...
Open Writing columnist Brian Barratt sends this report from the stricken State of Victoria whose citizens are struggling to come to terms with the loss of life and property in the aftermath of Australia's worst natural disaster.
February 13, 2009
Bookselling Has Its Perils
…Selling books and school supplies in the middle of Africa had its perils. Shipments from overseas came via Southern Rhodesia (not yet independent as Zimbabwe) from Cape Town. When sanctions were in force after UDI, we could not use that route, so had to import via Angola, to the west. The railway line ran through the Congo. It was a slow and unreliable route at the best of times and wasn't helped when one side or other in a war in the Congo bombed a train. If nothing else, that gave us a good excuse for late arrival of books: 'Sorry, the train was bombed'….
Brian Barratt reveals that one of those perils involved the inevitability of being locked up in a Congo prison. This is the second of three articles about his experiences as a book seller in Africa.
To read more of Brian’s scintillating columns pdlease click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
To enjoy a stimulating brain work-out also visit his Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 06, 2009
Two Part-Time Ladies And Beyond
…We became aware that one regular customer was whistling in the greetings card section. A young man was doing a sort of little hopping dance, waving a card in the air. He would occasionally buy cards and also little scriptural tracts and holy pictures.
One day, he found a box of plastic letters designed to teach children how to spell. He cleared a small table of its display and started putting letters on it, spelling out words, the while humming with joy. I went to see what he was doing. He had laid out the words, 'Praise the Lord' and ecstatically declared, 'Isn't it marvellous!'…
Brian Barratt brings us the first of a three-part series on his experiences while book selling in Africa.
For more of Brian’s wonderful words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And you are missing treat if you don’t visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 30, 2009
Labels And A Load Of Cobbles
…And then we come to the matter of where the product is made. 'Plain label' brands have given way to house brands. This, in turn, means that when we apply a magnifying glass to the small print, we find that asparagus comes from Peru; smoked oysters from China; marmalade from Denmark; Italian chocolates from Mexico; and Scottish marmalade is made in Australia from local and imported ingredients…
Brian Barratt casts an investigative eye on some of the packaged food now heading for millions of microwave ovens.
Brian is a man with a hunger for words: reading them, writing them... To sample more of his superbly-crafted columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his inspirational Web site The Brian Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 23, 2009
Not In Our Street
A new house near to good schools, two bathrooms, the usual appointments…and no common land.
Who would welcome common land in their street?
Brian Barratt tells of the development that has set his neighbourhood a-talking.
For more of Brian’s unsurpassably readable columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his fascinating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 16, 2009
Back To Ulaanbaatar
...Perhaps we're swamped by too much information nowadays. We have books, magazines, radio and television. And now, thanks to the Internet, anybody can write and read facts and opinions. Unfortunately, there can be a fuzzy line between fact and opinion and straightforward error. We don't need to go much further than film reviews to see that...
Amazingly Brian Barratt's musings on the errors which are passed off as facts on the Internet start and finish in Ulaanbaatar.
To read more of Brian's superb columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-invigorating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 09, 2009
Close To History
Brian Barratt recalls a tragic historical event – and his conflict with a new librarian.
For more of Brian’s ever-surprising and always entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit his exhilarating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 02, 2009
Looking Back, Further Back, And Forward
…Computers assembled by people in little back rooms were by no means reliable. This one lasted for slightly over the year of its guarantee period and then stopped functioning. The man who assembled it charged me a fee to have it running on his bench all day and tell me that is was in perfect working order. I took it home. It didn't work….
Brian Barratt tells of the computers in his life and wonders what the future holds by way of invention and innovation.
For more of Brian’s superb articles please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager, a feast for supple minds www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Looking Back, Further Back, And Forward" »
December 26, 2008
Pets And Pests And Scary Owls
…My next door neighbour has a Chinese Scary Owl, with menacing orange eyes, to scare pigeons in his back garden. There were so many of them, making such a noisy fuss as they pursued their love life all over the place. Since that owl arrived, the pigeons have kept well away…
Sagacious Brian Barratt thinks of other two-legged pests that he would like to scare away.
For more of Brian’s scintillating columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 19, 2008
Memories Of Interface
…A colleague in Sydney was fond of buzzwords and jargon. His memos were elongated by them. I decided to set some bait for him, surreptitiously. Three weeks before the annual Sales Conference in Sydney, I used the term 'ground-swell' in at least one memo to him. It was a current buzzword which he hadn't used until then. He fell right into the trap. When he referred to the ground-swell several times during the Sales Conference I had to suppress my naughty chuckle….
Brian Barratt has fun with those words of near-indefinable meaning which business folk use to stay in the swim – if you see what I mean.
For more of Brian’s gloriously entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 12, 2008
As Fresh And As Near As Now
The welkins of the heavens clashed…hailstones bounced on footpath and lawn…and Nature’s turbulence carried Brian Barratt back sixty years to the cab of a rusty old lorry.
To read more of Brian’s brilliant columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his mind-refreshing Web site The Brain Rummager
www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 05, 2008
The Facts About A Gentleman's Gentleman
When you start digging into family history you sometimes find that facts have become somewhat coloured by myths.
Brian Barratt discovered that his forebear William George Barratt, who lived in the Victorian era, was not in fact a grand gentleman, though he had mingled with the high and the mighty.
To read more of Brian’s satisfying columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his exhilarating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "The Facts About A Gentleman's Gentleman" »
November 28, 2008
Caught In The Middle
Brian Barratt, with subtle insight, introduces us to L P Hartley’s novel, ‘The Go-Between’’, and its film adaptation.
The novel, published in 1953, is about the recollection of childhood experiences from 1900. It is a study of class distinction and behaviour in England in the time in which it is set. “The film version, made in 1971, is faithful to the novel even though the screenplay by Harold Pinter uses a different structure to bring past and present together,’’ says Brian.
To read more of Brian’s columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit his intellectually stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 21, 2008
What Some Of Us Need
…Instant coffee is pleasant enough but real coffee is, for some of us, much more tempting to the palate. However, the purse provides protection. Fifty years ago, the wondrous aroma of Blue Mountain coffee permeated the centuries-old timber-beamed coffee house on High Bridge in Lincoln (that's in England). A packet of shiny brown beans, ready for grinding, didn't cost too much…
Brain Barratt muses upon splashing out on coffee – and splashing out coffee.
For more of Brian’s sumptuous columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do please visit his engaging Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 14, 2008
Not Quite Pterodactyls
…You know, the sort of ordinary everyday things people chat about — antioxidants in coffee; the Ondes-Martenot; radical language innovation in contemporary poetry; the absence of a continuous historical style in synagogue architecture; French Gypsy manouche jazz; and so on….
Oh for the good fortune of being in conversation with Brian Barratt!
For a rewarding session of intellectual callisthenics please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
November 07, 2008
I Did Not Become Briny
There a lot more to a person’s name than the name itself, as Brian Barratt reveals.
To read more of Brian’s wonderful columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 31, 2008
Evil Lies Behind Kittens, Cuckoo Clocks And Teddy Bears
Brian Barratt brings some notes on the film “The Third Man’’, the extraordinary once-seen-never-forgotten screen adapatation of a Graham Greene novel.
To read more of Brian’s memorable columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "Evil Lies Behind Kittens, Cuckoo Clocks And Teddy Bears" »
October 24, 2008
It Must Be True
The junk mail catalogue offered sour worms, All Natural Pig Ears and Chocolate Worming Treatment. On another page there was mention of Liver Jerky Straps…
But things were not quite what they seemed to be at first glance. Brian Barratt advises a careful perusal of the small print.
To read more of Brian’s ebullient columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 17, 2008
Echoes Of The Ancestors
From his father's side Brian Barratt inherited an enthusiasm for books, and from his mother he inherited Roma (gypsy) blood.
In Brian this intoxicating mix has produced a writer with an insatiable curiosity about people and what makes them tick, and a gift for words which makes his readers feel lucky to have his thoughts as their companions.
For more of Brian’s brilliant columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 10, 2008
Music Of Love And Death
Brian Barratt tells of more films which had never to be forgotten music as their soundtracks.
Fore more of Brian’s columns, equally never to be forgotten, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 03, 2008
Did You Like The Music?
…Sometimes, I ask friends if they liked the music in a film we have both seen. Too often they look blank and say they didn't notice it. I believe we should notice it…
The zither music which accompanied “The Third Man’’, the haunting theme from “Doctor Zhivago’’…
Brian Barratt recalls some of the great music that has been an essential part of outstanding films.
This is the first of two articles on this fascinating theme.
For more of Brian’s columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 26, 2008
Where Do My Eggs Come From?
…Our major supermarket chains are now so large and so dominant that they dictate the prices they will pay. If necessary, they go overseas for their products…
Brian Barratt points out that a 'home brand' label on tin or packet does not mean what you probably think it means.
To read more of Brian’s thoughtful columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his engrossing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 19, 2008
Pinewood Shopping Centre - 3
…Pinewood shopping centre has a wonderful assortment of nationalities among the owners or managers of its shops. At least five businesses are owned by Italians. A rotisserie chicken shop and the newest coffee house are Greek. A Cambodian family runs the greengrocery business. An Egyptian chap runs the picture frame shop. There's an Indian café and take-away. One of the better restaurants is Vietnamese. Another is, I think, Lebanese. As far as I can work out, at least six businesses are run by Chinese owners…
Brian Barratt delights in the cosmopolitan atmosphere of his local shopping centre.
To read more of Brian’s fair-minded words please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas?
September 12, 2008
Pinewood Shopping Centre - 2
Brian Barratt’s local shopping centre in Melbourne, Australia, has seen big changes during the past 40 years – and the biggest change of all is the loss of its individuality.
To read more of Brian’s wonderfully warming words please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 05, 2008
Pinewood Shopping Centre - 1
…Behind the counter were floor-to-ceiling shelves of most ingredients my mother needed for cooking. Flour and sugar were provided in plain paper bags. Many items were picked out or sliced and weighed before being put into paper bags. Brown, white and dark blue paper bags. This was long before plastic bags appeared…
Brian Barratt recalls the shops and shopping habits of sixty years ago. This is the first article in a three-part series.
For more of Brian’s varied and entertaining columns please click on
http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do accept his invitation to visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 29, 2008
Fanny And Alexander - 8
…Anything can happen... imagination spins and weaves new patterns. Bergman's and perhaps Alexander's imagination produces the ghosts and magic we see throughout the film. In some cases, they are antidotes to sadness, anger and despair. Imaginative spinning and weaving occurs with captivating beauty…
Brian Barratt concludes his eight-part exploration of Ingmar Bergman’s Fanny And Alexander, one of the greatest films ever made.
To read the first seven parts of Brian’s tribute to the film, and sparkling columns on many other subjects, please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 22, 2008
Fanny and Alexander - 7
…It is refreshing and satisfying to watch a film which is free of special effects, scripted clichés, hackneyed gestures, and constant background music to tell us what emotion we should be feeling…
Brian Barratt presents the seventh in a series of eight articles about what is perhaps the best film ever made – Ingmar Bergman’s ‘Fanny and Alexander’.
To read earlier articles in this series, and lots more of Brian’s entertaining columns please click on http://www.openwriting.com/archives/the_scrivener/
And do visit Brian’s excellent Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 15, 2008
Fanny And Alexander - 6
…As the story proceeds, we realise that Bergman is telling us about his experience of and views about the conflict in his own life between the theatre and the church, experience and morality, happiness and suppression…
Brian Barratt continues his inquiry into the symbolism and meaning of Ingmar Bergman’s brilliant film Fanny and Alexander.
This is the sixth of eight articles on Bergman’s historic epic. To read earlier articles please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s entertaining Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 08, 2008
Fanny and Alexander - 5
….We could argue for ever about what happens in Part 5, 'Demons'. Is it magic? Is it conjured up in the boy Alexander's fertile imagination? Is it a dream and, if so, whose dream? Let's just say that the rescue of the children from the clutches of the brutal bishop involves the two children, Fanny and Alexander, being in two places at the same time…
Brian Barratt considers the enigmatic fifth part of Ingmar Bergman’s classic film ‘Fanny and Alexander’.
To read Brian’s four preceding articles on the film please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s website The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 01, 2008
Fanny And Alexander - 4
…In the 5-hour version of the film, 'moments' can last for quite a long time. Speeches continue for several minutes. Interactions between people are measured and slow. In this sense, it is not an 'easy' film to watch. It is not light entertainment for a rainy afternoon. It requires concentration, which will turn out to be well worthwhile by the time the story finishes…
Brian Barratt continues his series of articles which pay tribute to Ingmar Bergman’s great film Fanny and Alexander.
July 25, 2008
Fanny and Alexander - 3
Brian Barratt continues his fascinating series of articles on Ingmar Bergman’s 'Fanny and Alexander', one of the most memorable films ever made.
Brian’s words, written with love, in admiration, will make you eager to see the film – or, if you have already seen it, to watch it againwith "new'' eyes.
Do visit Brian’s invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 18, 2008
Fanny And Alexander - 2
…The sequence of doors, the different rooms, the theatre-like settings, the happenings, the magic, the watchful eyes of the gentle boy, are all symbolic of what we are about to see as the story of one year in the life of Fanny and Alexander slowly unfolds…
Brian Barratt continues his literary tribute to Ingmar Bergman’s ‘Fanny and Alexander’’, one of the greatest films ever made.
This is the second of eight articles about the film. Watch out for further treats!
And do please visit Brian’s engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 11, 2008
Fanny And Alexander - 1
…'Fanny and Alexander' is not light entertainment to watch, enjoy for a short while, and then forget. The version shown in cinemas is about three hours long. The expanded and more detailed version produced as a serial for Swedish television runs for five hours and is available on a set of two DVD's….
The inimitable Brian Barrett writes about one of his favourite films, Ingmar Bergman’s Fanny And Alexander. This is the first of eight articles on a cinematic classic. Watch out for further insights and literary treats on forthcoming Fridays.
And do please visit Brian’s invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 04, 2008
The Latcho Drom
…Gypsies like playing with words and inventing them. Sometimes the result is quite charming. Read ‘Sparadise’, a prayer taught by a Gypsy to her child over 100 years ago. If you don’t see the word-play, read it aloud.
Little bird of Sparadise,
Do the work of Jesu Chrise,
Go by sea, go by lan’,
Go by Goddes holy han’.
God make me a branch and flower,
May the lord send us all a happy hour…
Brian Barratt is justifiably proud of his gypsy ancestors and delights in their language.
After you have read this column do please visit Brian’s engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 27, 2008
Lamming The Esculent Root
...Despite the allure and fascination of all those super-cooks on TV, Mr Gormitt Pottage persists with his usual methods: Chucky Tin, Choppy Tup, Mashy Tup and Stirry Tup...
Brian Barratt proves yet again that he is a master cook when it comes to serving up a repast of words.
For more of Brian’s delicious columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 20, 2008
With Or Without Brain
…I'm sometimes Barry. You know what it's like — some bright young thing at the other end of the telephone asks for your name. 'Brian Barratt'. She responds ever so sincerely, 'Hello Barry'. Surely I'm not mumbling? After all, people used to say what clear mellifluous delivery I had on radio…
Our wonderful and super-talented columnist Carrot - sorry, sorry, that should read Brian Barratt – reflects on the mispronunciation of names.
Do visit Brian’s stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/ But before doing so ponder for a moment on that word "brain''. Does it remind you of anything?
June 13, 2008
Dental Cucumbers And Fierie Noses
If your dentist lectures you while your mouth is unable to answer back perhaps the time has come to consider some 17th Century dental remedies.
Brian Barratt’s Friday columns are a generous helping of guaranteed joy. To read more of them please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 06, 2008
Some Neat Guesswork
Guess, neat, labor and thru… Brian Barratt delves once more into the American usage of English.
This completes a series of three entertaining articles by wordsmith Brian on “Americanisms’.
For further intellectual fun and games do please visit Brian’s internationally-popular Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 30, 2008
Somewhere, Now And Then
…She announced the total and turned to talk to another colleague. I had a small query, which she answered. I paid for my purchases. She gave my change and called out, 'Next please' while again writing in her little book. At no time during our brief encounter did she look at me. When I got back to the car, I had a quick look in the mirror to make sure I was there…
Brian Barratt finds out what it is like to be neither here nor there.
To read more of Brian’s extraordinarily satisfying columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page, then add to your pleasure by visiting his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 23, 2008
No Naked Youths And Maidens
…A nature strip in this part of the world is nothing more exciting than a narrow piece of grassy land between the footpath and the road. It's the same as a grass verge which, come to think of it, sounds almost as erotic. In reality, it is a mundane fact of suburban life. ..
An anguished Brian Barratt reports that the nature strip outside his home has been under attack from a variety of assailants.
To read more columns by a man who has yet to learn how to write a dull sentence please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s engrossing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 16, 2008
Candy, Sweets And Lollies
Candy, cute, faucet, gerrymander… Wordsmith Brian Barratt turns an inquiring eye on another batch of Americanisms.
This is the second in a series of three articles.
For lots more intellectual fun do please cisit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 09, 2008
Out Of The Closet
Master wordsmithBrian Barratt has been looking into the origins of well-known ‘Americanisms’ – with surprising results.
This is the first in a series of three articles. The second in the series will appear in Open Writing next Friday.
For further intellectual stimulation and delight do please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 02, 2008
My Saucepan Is Anonymous
…My computer keyboard bears the well known words Made In China. This little message is so common nowadays that we forget about all the other countries which sell us this day our daily bread…
But those imported goods come with user manuals containing language which is more likely to astonish than instruct, as Brian Barratt reveals.
To read dmore of Brian’s inimitable words please click on The Scrivener on this page. And do visit his brain-sharpening Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 25, 2008
I Could Live There
…The more affluent of these owner-builders often finish up with something like a furniture showroom or an art gallery. There is little or no sign of that old fashioned factor, let's see, what is it called? Ah, yes, homeliness. Friendliness. Comfort…
Brian Barratt tends to be more bemused than envious as he watches a TV series on the designing and building of dream homes.
For more of Brian’s choice words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And further treat yourself by visiting Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 18, 2008
Tall, But How Long?
…But, oh dear me, must we always have the largest of this and the tallest of that?...
Brian Barratt deplores the desire to build the biggest, the tallest, the longest…
To read more of Brian superlative columns - built from the minimum number of words to make a lasting impression on a discriminating reader – by clicking on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do please visit his entertaining Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 11, 2008
The Towering Ambition Of William Beckford
Brian Barratt introduces us to William Beckford, an English "character'' who towered above other eccentrics.
To read more of Brian’s wonderful words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit his absorbing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "The Towering Ambition Of William Beckford" »
April 04, 2008
The Answer To All Our Problems
…H.S.Park's Magnetic Curative Appliances were given a glowing testimonial in 1880 by Mr J. Manchester: 'I can certainly say that I derived great benefits from your Magnetic Appliances for my chest.' As his full name was the Rt Rev. James Fraser, Lord Bishop of Manchester, that's quite a commendation…
Excellent stuff, electricity! In this sparkling column Brian Barratt enlightens us on some of its peculiar applications.
To read more of Brian’s wonderful columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 28, 2008
'Dr' Graham And His Amazing Magnetic Bed
…The Celestial Bed was twelve feet long and nine feet wide. It was supported by 40 richly coloured glass pillars. Above it emanated 'reviving invigorating influences'. Beneath it were great lodestones 'continually pouring forth in an ever-flowing circle, inconceivable and irresistibly powerful tides of the magnetic effluvium'…
Brian Barratt tells of the audacious 'Dr' Graham who offered electrical therapy for sexual problems to refined clients who could afford his fees. Others could pay a smaller fee just to gawk and ogle at the splendidly appointed rooms of the Temple of Health.
Do please visit Brian's invigorating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "'Dr' Graham And His Amazing Magnetic Bed" »
March 21, 2008
The Apostles Who Died Too Soon
…Believe it or not, he also acquired degrees and doctorates such as D.D., LL.D., Ph.D., D.Litt. and a vast number of grandiose titles including His Sacred Beatitude Mar Georgius I, Patriarch of Glastonbury, Prince-Catholicos of the West, Doctor Christianissimus, and Prelat Commandeur of the Order of the Crown of Thorns….
Brian Barratt introduces us to an extraordinary character, Hugh George Newman.
To read the two preceding articles in this series of three - And So The Immortals Pass By and Proper Bishops And Another Messiah - please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 14, 2008
Proper Bishops And Another Messiah
Some so-called bishops find themselves in the most unholy of situations, as Brian Barratt reveals in this astonishing article.
This is the second in a series of three articles. To read the first in the series please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
Do please visit his entertaining Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 07, 2008
And So The Immortals Pass By
Brian Barratt tells of some of the prophets and Messiahs who have littered Protestant Christianity in the past few centuries.
Brian writes brilliantly on a multitude of subjects. To read more of his memorable columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And please do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 29, 2008
Twitching In The Busy Crowd
Human ants, scurrying around, working, shopping…
Brian Barratt, sensible chap that he is, sips a coffee and surveys the scene, allowing himself time to get to know people.
For more of Brian’s entrancing columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit his engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 22, 2008
Sheer Delight
Brian Barratt tells of a recorded performances, guaranteed to bring sheer delight, of Mozart's great opera The Magic Flute.
This is the fifth article in a series on this wonderful ever-enchanting masterpiece. To read the preceding articles please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s engaging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 15, 2008
Mozart's Magic Flute - Part 4
There is much more to Mozart’s marvelous opera The Magic Flute than meets the uninformed ear, as Brian Barratt reveals in the fourth of a series of five perceptive articles about this masterwork.
Do please visit Brian’s exhilarating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 08, 2008
Mozart's The Magic Flute - Part 3
Brian Barratt tells of the hints of Freemasonry in Mozart’s opera The Magic Flute. This is the third in a series of five articles about what many consider to be the finest of all operas.
Do please visit Brian’s intriguing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 01, 2008
Merry Romp Or Mystic Resonance?
Is Mozart’s The Magic Flute merely a merry romp, or does it carry a deeper message? Brian Barratt presents the second in a five-article series on what some consider the greatest opera ever composed.
For further intellectual stimulation please visit Brian's Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 25, 2008
Artists Have To Eat
Brian Barratt begins a five-part series of articles on one of the greatest operas ever written – Mozart’s The Magic Flute.
Brian derives great joy from listening to the work - and his words will encourage you to enjoy the magic in some of the greatest music ever written.
Please do visit Brian's intriguing and entertaining Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
January 18, 2008
Let's Walk About Turds
Brian Barratt muses upon malapropisms, spoonerisms, and other confusions, manglings and distortions of that most splendid edifice, the English language.
To read more of Brian’s glorious excursions into words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 11, 2008
Birtle Fizz
Brian Barratt Googles up a whole heap of word fun.
To read more of Brian’s sparkling columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do please visit his Web site, The Brain Rummager, which he refers to in this column www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 04, 2008
Into The Cave
So what do you call it? The loo? The bathroom? Brian Barrett considers the terminology for that place to which we all have to go.
For more of Brian’s well-considered words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit Brian’s entertaining Web site www'alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 28, 2007
Some Curiosities
Curiosity may have killed the proverbial cat, but it keeps wordsmiths alive and well, as master scrivener Brian Barratt proves so entertainingly.
For further mental gymnastics do please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
December 21, 2007
The Gold Of The Silver Screen
Christmas – the time of year when TV stations churn out a day-long diet of “old'' films. In Britain that means stilted Carry On comedies and yet another encounter with James Bond.
Brian Barratt lists some of the films which have brought him the greatest satisfaction and joy – quality films you are most unlikely to see on your TV screens in these late December days.
Why not follow Brian’s lead and compile your own list of all-time favourites - films you wish to see again and again.
For yet more bracing mental activity do please visit Brian's invigorating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 14, 2007
Along Pagan Ways
…A few years ago, I checked about 60 words related to Christianity and the Church. There were some surprises…
Brian Barratt meanders along lexicographical byways, conveying his delight in the history and meaning of words.
For lots more examples of Brian’s magical ways with words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 07, 2007
All In Good Spirit
Brian Barratt says we can be gullible when hearing or reading about other people’s psychic and occult experiences., adding “It seems to me that we should keep an open mind and be sensitive to their beliefs, but at the same time apply a strong dose of scepticism, reason, and logic, all in good spirit.’’
To read more of Brian’s wonderful columns – which are as a glass of spring water to those thirsting for fine prose – please click on The Scrivener on this page.
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 30, 2007
It's Ridiculous
…Spike Milligan told the story of how he took his elderly grandmother to the seaside for her very first visit. They walked down to the water’s edge, where she stood for a long time gazing at the gently lapping tide. Eventually, she turned to him and asked, ‘Is that all it does?’…
Brian Barratt takes us on a short but hugely enjoyable journey around the points of the humour compass.
To read further wonderful literary excursions please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For vigorous and entertaining exercise for the brain visit www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 23, 2007
The Bumpy Road Home
…I have a mental picture of the passing years as an illustrated road stretching back into the 1930s. People, places, events and signposts are dotted along it. And there are occasional bumps…
Brian Barratt has encountered bumps in various parts of the world in the long road of his life. Now, in prose that is more finely polished than precious metal, with a smile and an occasional tear, he looks back on his experiences.
Do visit Brian's Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 09, 2007
That's Great!
The next time you are about to use the word “great’’ think accomplished, admirable, brilliant, eminent, excellent, famous
good, grand....
Brian Barratt, a man who fully appreciates that words are far more valuable than jewels, wishes that more people would read dictionaries in bed.
For more of Brian’s delectable demonstrations of how to use words to best effect please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
November 02, 2007
Weather-beaten
…Blaming somebody else or something else is a popular disease of our times, isn’t it? I wonder how many people would join a class action against God if that were possible? Or perhaps they would sue sinners, on the basis that bad weather is God’s punishment for their sin. Thank goodness we don’t have to believe in a God like that!…
Brian Barratt considers the weather in all its varieties.
For more of Brian’s sunny words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For another feast of intellectual fun do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
October 26, 2007
The Great Australian Banger
Brian Barratt investigates a tasty subject – the banger.
More of Brian’s appetizing and satisfying words can be found by clicking on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do please visit his absorbing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 19, 2007
It Just Happens
…Ducks and magpies have different ways of dealing with child-rearing and family issues…
Brian Barratt tells of autumn in Melbourne, proving in yet another entertaining column that there lots of fascinating things going on in the world, if you would only stop and look.
For more of Brian’s magical words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 12, 2007
Respect The Lines
Brian Barratt calls for white lines to receive the respect that is their due.
For more Brian’s well-ordered and wonderfully entertaining prose please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For hours of additional fun visit his Web site The Brain Rummager, www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 05, 2007
No Place Like Home
Brian Barratt, an enchanting conversationalist and host, shares his Australian home with uninvited, though not unwelcomed, guests.
To read more of Brian’s hospitable columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For a bout of invigorating mental callisthenics also visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 28, 2007
There Are Fairies At The Top Of My Garden
So how do you prevent fairies from colonizing your front lawn? Brian Barratt offers a surprising “solution’’.
To read more of Brian’s enchanting words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And you are missing lots of fun if you don’t visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
Continue reading "There Are Fairies At The Top Of My Garden" »
September 21, 2007
Are You Listening?
…It's sad, isn't it? And worrying. You meet people who do not or will not listen. Of, if they do, they don't think. It happens in letters, too. I don't mean e-mails, which so many people can't be bothered to respond to. I mean proper letters sent by stickystamp mail…
Brian Barratt, triumphantly remaining reasonable rather than becoming grumpy, tells of the trials of dealing with those who do not listen.
For more of Brian’s splendiferous columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 14, 2007
Natural Therapies For The Ailing Or Dyeing
Read some of these 17th Century remedies, unearthed by Brian Barratt, and you will instantly persuade yourself that you are not in need of treatment.
Brian’s inquiring mind and word wizardry combine to create the most satisfying reading. For more of his columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page.
Continue reading "Natural Therapies For The Ailing Or Dyeing" »
September 07, 2007
Have A Nice Trip
…You’re walking quietly in the crowd at a shopping centre, and someone barges into you. No worries, they assume that they have the right of way. I’m tempted to slide my walking stick out just a few centimetres so that they trip over, but that wouldn’t be nice, would it?…
Brian Barratt muses upon thoughtless public behaviour.
Rumour has it that Brian’s computer, accustomed to a steady flow of civilised and good-humoured words, now wears a permanent contented smile. To read more of those words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 31, 2007
So Distinguished
…‘Excuse me,’ said a voice at my side. The vowels were well rounded, and the intonation precise. ‘Could you tell me how much this is?’
It was one of those voices that reflected a determined but failed effort to overcome the Australian accent and pretend to be south-country English. Its owner was a pleasant elderly lady, dressed comfortably in furs…
Brian Barratt recalls the day he was mistaken for an art expert.
For more of Brian’s colourful words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
August 24, 2007
It'll Come In Useful One Day
…The best part of the annual hard rubbish throw-out is watching the kerb crawlers come along and peck like vultures at the discarded evidence of your domestic history…
‘I’m most impressed,’ declared one of Brian Barratt’s neighbours. ‘I’ve never seen so much rubbish come out of one house in this street. You’re definitely raising the tone of the neighbourhood.’
Reading Brian’s ebullient words is one of life’s great joys. For more of them please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 17, 2007
Yes, but is it Art?
…There was an exhibition of contemporary sculptures. At least, I think they were sculptures. One, I remember, consisted of a wooden frame like an elevated trestle table, from which hung about half a dozen furry things that looked for all the world like dead rabbits…
Brian Barratt tells a gloriously funny story about a visit to a a well-known art gallery.
For more of Brian’s memorable words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page. And do visit his celebrated Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 10, 2007
Mooring Posts
…In the morning, the reflections of the mooring posts are ruffled by the slight breeze on the water. In the evening, they are clear and mirror-like on the calm surface. In winter, they stand alone. In summer, they hold boats firmly against the drift of the current. All through the year, the visiting birds alight on them, either to watch the rest of the world, or to find a vantage point for eating, or simply to rest for a while…
Brian Barratt has the enviable gift of being able, with mere words, to allow you to see that natural wonders that he sees.
For more of Brian’s columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page. And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
August 03, 2007
Honest Alec
Brian Barratt meets the salt of the earth in laundromats.
For more of Brian’s invigorating words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And to enjoy a further abundace of mental fun visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
July 27, 2007
Home Thoughts
Brian Barratt, a man with Roma blood in his veins, an adventuresome soul who has lived on three continents, muses poetically on a big question: Where is my home.?
For more of Brian’s joyously readable words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
For lots more intellectual fun please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 20, 2007
This Mortal Hurt
…The rain came shortly afterward. Hesitantly at first, in unsteady large drops. I went outside, stood in the street, and welcomed it with open arms…
Writing with the passion of a true nature lover Brian Barratt, an ever-fruitful wordsman, recalls the day the rains came.
To read more of Brian’s satisfying columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page. And do visit his mentally invigorating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 13, 2007
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night
“You, too, can write purple prose,’’ says Brian Barratt, who proceeds to give examples of writing which is so bad that it becomes hilariously good.
For more of Brian’s entertaining columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page.
And do visit his enjoyable Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 06, 2007
Sheep? No Worries
…Over the hill and into the main road. A barbed wire fence runs along the side, punctuated occasionally by little yellow signs to let you know that it is electrified. Ninety-seven sheep seem unconcerned about this, as they turn lazily to watch you stomping by…
Brian Barratt presents a holiday snapshot in words. Who needs a camera when there’s a wordsmith like Brian to record what his eyes are seeing.
If you are in the mood for mental calisthenics – and Open Writing readers are of the mentally agile kind – do please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 29, 2007
Seeming Cycles
…Today, noisy squabbles constantly broke out among the chestnut teal. The black ducks (which are brown) were pursuing each other across the surface with anything but placidity. A wood-duck hissed menacingly at me as I walked past. It was a male, and his companion was his newly selected female. Looking rather silly with both a walking stick and a furled umbrella, I was perceived as a threat…
That wonderful wordsmith Brian Barratt, who can paint a picture in words that is clearer and more enduring than any image produced by a camera, casts a keen eye on life in his beloved Melbourne wetlands.
For more of Brian’s columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page.
And if you are in the mood for mental gymnastics, as I am sure you are, please visit his Web site The The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 22, 2007
The Fabulous Lynette
For more of Brian’s delightful literary excursions and diversions please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit his challenging Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
June 15, 2007
Silent Answers
...I like dreams. Lose them
And you lose the flaming dragons from the sunset sky,
And silent roaring creatures in the darkling gnarly bark
Of trees, which you creep quietly by...
Brian Barratt's poem reminds us that we should treasure childhood's inchoate feelings of wonder.
To enjoy more of Brian's astonishing literary versatility please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
Then, to give your mental faculties a thoroughly enjoyable work-out, visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 08, 2007
A Way With Animals
Florrie, a nursing home resident, has a way with animals and birds. But what of her way with men?
Brian Barratt tells an enigmatic tale.
Do visit Brian’s intriguing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 01, 2007
As It Was Written
One can have too much of words, and of a man who produces them, as Brian Barratt’s tale reveals.
For more of Brian’s sparkling prose please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For further large helpings of delight please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 25, 2007
Have A Lovely Day
…'Oh, Mrs Lee, I wonder if I could impose on you?' The vicar smiled charmingly. 'We need someone to take a meal round to Mr Standish. Would you mind very much?' Penelope wondered, briefly, how she could fit in yet another social duty….
After her husband Kenneth has left in his Mercedes for the office, Penelope Lee fills her time with social work. Then Kenneth starts arriving home late…
Brian Barratt tells a subtle tale of lives drifting in opposite directions. For more of Brian’s stories and articles please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 18, 2007
The Hole In The Hedge
...Pam and Pete are happy in their new home. Then Felicity, the woman next door starts to take an interest in Pete. She is always out there when Pete is weeding and digging…
Brian Barratt tells a startling tale.
For more of Brian’s ebullient words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And you are cordially welcomed to visit his Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
May 11, 2007
On And On And On
…'Who the hell wants to be called SharON MariON JohnsON — on, on, on?' This morning, she was blaming her parents for her misery…
Brian Barratt tells the story of a confused young lady for whom life goes on and on and on, until… To find out until what, read on and on...
After coming to the end of this satisfying tale do visit Brian’s fascinating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 04, 2007
Raising The Tone Of The Neighbourhood
When Brian Barratt put out items for Melbourne City Council’s annual hard rubbish collection one of his neighbours commented “I’m most impressed. I’ve never seen so much rubbish come out of one house in this street. You’re definitely raising the tone of the neighbourhood.’’
Brian has ruefully come to the conclusion that not everything will come in useful one day. On the other hand…
To read more of Brian’s more than useful and always welcomed words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do visit his intriguing Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 27, 2007
The Knock On The Door
Brian Barratt, irritated by folk who, uninvited, coming knocking on his door has put up a sign which politely requests purveyors of religions, churches, cable TV, mobile telephones, knife-sharpening, tree-lopping and financial services to GO AWAY NOW.
For more of Brian’s thoughtful, humorous and ever-engaging words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do please visit his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 20, 2007
Whiskers And Cream
…What better way of satisfying the hunger pangs of late elevenses, or early lunch, than an old-fashioned cream bun?…
Brian Barratt paints a vivid portrait of tasty moments by the waterside – so vivid that you may well find yourself racing to the nearest bakery after you have read this column.
For more of Brian’s luscious words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. Visit also his Web site The Brain Rummager which will persuade your mental faculties to wake up and take exercise www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 13, 2007
Family Johnson Butcher
…Conversation with anyone in the family in the butcher’s shop is not easy, unless you follow football (or cricket in the summer) or wish to hear about someone’s niece’s recent surgery. I did try, once. I asked why one cut of steak was given a fancy name instead of being called by its correct name, buttock. I think the word shocked the entire family into speechless horror; the mother temporarily lost her smile, and sent the son into the back room…
Brian Barratt brings us a prime steak of a column about goings on in the butcher’s shop.
For more of Brian’s tasty words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 06, 2007
When The Sun Comes Out
After one of his letters had been published in a Melbourne newspaper, Brian Barratt received an unexpected telephone call which took him on a rewarding, if emotional, conversational journey.
To read more of Brian’s sparkling words please click on The Srivener in the menu on this page.
For lots moe fun with words and ideas visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 30, 2007
Sir Isambard And The Pre-loved Tea-bags
Brian Barratt draws our attention to the pioneering work of Sir Isambard Vestibule Greangrymne in demonstrating the al fresco use of used tea-bags.
Brian is dedicated to bringing the achievements of the amazing Sir Isambard to the attention of an ignorant world. Previous reports – one of which regrettably is an obituary – can be found by searching through the columns of The Scrivener in the menu of this page. Try March 24, 2006 and November 10, 2006.
Continue reading "Sir Isambard And The Pre-loved Tea-bags" »
March 23, 2007
There Are Angels
…'Dad, are there angels?' That was a new one. It came up last week. UFOs I can cope with, but angels? I was never very religious, and this one was way outside my domain…
In Brian Barratt’s glowing short story young Dean asks a question which leaves his father lost for a good answer.
For more of Brian’s brilliant words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And for further mental exercise visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
March 16, 2007
The Second Look
...When I reached the hard surface of the drive at the side of the house, I realised that I'd lost the little rubber tip of my walking stick. Instead of the quiet flump flump it went woodenly tap tap on the concrete.
It was one of those days when I felt like kicking something that brings suffering to the world. A neighbour's cat which kills possums, for instance, or a fundamentalist, Christian or Muslim, it doesn't matter which sort. But I'm not a violent person, so I'd attacked the grass instead...
Instead of kicking something or someone, Brian Barrett settled down to watch scenes from sun-drenched Provence.
After reading this splendid article you can sample more of Brian's sunlit words by clicking on The Srivener in the menu on this page. Visit also his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
March 09, 2007
A Different Spiritual Chimney
…The message of many of the churches I investigated was "We Are Right". Nowadays, the message of televangelists matches that of some Muslim clerics — "I Am Right". We live in an era of egotism and arrogance…
Brian Barratt presents some profound, and profoundly sensible, thoughts, on religions.
To read more of Brian’s well-considered words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. You will also find a stimulating welcome at his Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
March 02, 2007
Bryan The Bookman
To celebrate Brian Barratt's 50th birthday in 1986, friends were asked to write a poem. Much merriment ensued. Richard McRoberts — a teacher and prolific author who later became a publisher — produced and read aloud this wondrous Chaucerian account of Brian's work as a publisher. Richard has kindly granted permission for it to be reproduced here.
February 23, 2007
This Mortal Hurt
…The rain came shortly afterward. Hesitantly at first, in unsteady large drops. I went outside, stood in the street, and welcomed it with open arms. Eventually, it turned to a tropical torrent. What a splendid relief in this season of drought! I hied me through the gate in the back fence and watched the lake waters rise…
Rain descends on sun-baked Melbourne, to be greeted in deeds and words by master-scrivener Brian Barratt.
To sample more of Brian’s wonderfully-satisfying words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page. For further mental gymnastics visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
February 16, 2007
Tomorrow's World
...We live in a world where decimalised and metricated kids speak freely of bytes, kilobytes, megabytes and gigabytes. They probably have no concept of the 6/3½d. I used to pay for Golden Platignum fountain pens in my schooldays...
Brian Barratt, a columnist who does not know how to write an uninteresting sentence, ruminates upon measurements and currencies.
For more of Brian's entertaining words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For further mental gymnastics visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 09, 2007
The P's Have It
…Making contact with possible friends via the Internet is rather like going to a cocktail party, isn't it? You wander round, striking up conversations. You might meet someone who was born in the same town or reads the same books but, in the end, you have nothing in common. You might also meet someone with whom you just "click", and a conversation develops into a friendship…
Brian Barratt muses entertainingly on Net friendships and face-to-face chats over cups of coffee.
To read more of Brian’s words, and there is no companion more entertaining, either in print or in conversation, please click on The Scrivener in the menu on his page.
For an added treat visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
February 02, 2007
Mental Magpie Nests
…She brought an ash-tray to her table. None of that hypocritical talk about cigarette smoke while sitting at a pavement café, with dozens of vehicles pumping out ghastly gases in the adjacent car-park. Anyway, we quickly got chatting about publishers, books, writers and bookshops….
A chance encounter over a cup of coffee can result in a conversation which makes for the best hour of the day, as Brian Barratt reveals.
Lucky are those who meet Brian, a natural-born conversationalist in the Johnson tradition, whose words are always worthwhile. Lucky too are those who read his wonderful columns. Please do click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page to sample them.
For further mental stimulation take a look at Brian’s Web site, The Brain Rumager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 26, 2007
There And Then, Here And Now
…One day, we heard someone whistling in the corner. He was in the greetings card section at the front. Oh yes, we could see him from behind the counter at the back. He picked a card here, a card there, and danced around while he whistled and held it high in the air. After a while, he bought just one card…
Brian Barratt recalls incidents in a missionary society bookshop 50 years ago, then considers the vagaries of the human brain, recommending us to cherish and use our neurons while we still have them.
Brian’s columns are a guaranteed source of reading delight. Please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For further intellectual stimulation visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 19, 2007
Curious World
…There was something strange and yellow lying on the footpath, about 100 metres ahead. It looked like a discarded shopping bag or a quaint cardboard cardigan. Curiosity can be a very good incentive to walk up that curving slope. Curiosity is increased when a teenage boy seems to be talking to the yellow... whatever it is…
Brian Barrett, lucky man, confirms that a stroll along a neighbourhood footpath can carry one's thoughts to the other side of the world.
For more of Brian’s not-to-be-missed columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. His web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas brings the opportunity to indulge in hours and hours of invigorating mental callisthenics.
January 12, 2007
Breakdown
After the engine of Brian Barratt’s little two-stroke motor-bike conked out while he was on a solo 2,000 mile trip in southern Africa he came upon words powerful and poetic which have stayed with him: ‘On every mountain height is rest.’
For more of Brian’s engaging thoughts and superlative words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And you are missing a stimulating intellectual treat if you don't visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 05, 2007
Hold The Picture
…After visiting the cathedral, which is called a minster, we went to an unpretentious upstairs tea-room on the main street. Curtains in the sash windows kept the room cool. White linen cloths were smooth on the little wooden tables. We enjoyed a pot of tea and homely slices of bread and butter with apricot jam…
Brian Barratt recalls a boyhood trip to Southwell – and the delights of other Nottinghamshire towns.
For further delightful reading please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And for still more fun and intellectual stimulation do please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
December 29, 2006
Watching The Grass Grow
Unbelievers find the game of cricket ridiculous. There's talk of "flannelled fools", and "it's more interesting to watch the grass grow", and "watching paint dry". "Keep quiet,'' Brian Barratt advises. "That's tantamount to treason.''
Brian writes with well-measured affection about what many consider to be the greatest of games (and count me among that number - Peter Hinchliffe, Open Writing editor).
For more of Brian's delightful, delicious and ever-entertaining columns please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For further mental gymnastics do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 22, 2006
Hovering Over Holes
Brian Barratt, an author who appreciates real-life characters, pays tribute to one of his former neighbours, Alf Effing Priest, who, sadly, is no longer around to turn Australia’s air blue.
For more of Brian’s zestful, zingy words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For further exhilarating mental stimulation please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
December 15, 2006
It's A Cruel World
“Amidst the trials and toils of life, how nice to encounter just one small frog,’’ says Brian Barratt.
But who would be a frog, with 10,000 brothers and sisters, most of whom will be eaten before they grow up. Abandoned by Mum, no baby-sitter, no adoption agency…
To read more of Brian’s wondrous words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And while still in the mood for fun and mental challenges do also visit his Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 08, 2006
Clippings From The Past
Brian Barratt’s musical father used to shave in the dining room.
“Less fascinating, however,’’ says Brian in this portrait of an astonishing character “was his habit of cutting his toe-nails at the breakfast table. He would put his foot on the table and start snipping.’’
For more of Brian’s sit-up-and-take-notice words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. Visit also his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 01, 2006
Crazy House
Brian Barratt tells of topsy-turvy buildings, including “my own crooked house. When I bought it, thirty-five years ago, each corner had already subsided a little lower than the rest of the house…’’
There’s nothing topsy-turvy about Brian’s words. They fit together in sentences and paragraphs which are as finely honed and balanced as the components of the best Swiss watch. For more of his rewarding prose please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
Vist also Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
November 24, 2006
Being A Bishop
…I recall a little boy asking his grandfather what his actual name was. Grandad replied, ‘It’s Mr Johnson’. Then, after a stiff military pause and a bristling of the neat grey moustache, ‘Well, Major Johnson, actually’. It occurred to me that as I had served my country diligently in the battlefield of Education, I should be called Manager Barratt...
Brian Barratt muses upon gangs, and the grand titles which are a key element in gangdom, then recalls investigative youthful days when he was a Bishop. Yes, a Bishop.
To read more of Brian’s sumptuous words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/ for lots more intellectual fun.
November 17, 2006
Where Do You Live?
…So where do I live? In a tumbledown little house once described as ‘quaint’. In a quiet crescent among other elderly type people. In a leafy suburb with green parks, reserves and beautiful wetlands. In a city with three million people and the tallest residential apartment building in the world…
Brian Barratt muses entertainingly on dwelling places and identity, then he asks a huge, huge, HUGE question.
To read lots more of Brian’s sparkling words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. Also, please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 10, 2006
One Passes On
Earlier this year Open Writing published the obituary of Sir Isambard Vestibule Greangryme, well known for his dedicated research into the dysfunctions of organic feasibility.
It has now come to the attention of our worthy and diligent correspondent Brian Barratt that Sir Isambard did not pass on in a deceased sort of way. He actually passed, with some financial assistance, on to Australia, with the intention of there initiating research into a hitherto unknown species, the Umposs.
Our thanks to Brian for this information, and for his regular contributions to this Web magazine. They can be found by clicking on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. Enjoy a happy hour, or two, or even three, delving through them until you come to an earlier mention of Sir Isambard.
For further delightful mental callisthenics please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
November 03, 2006
You Have A Life
…it's sad to know that there are folk who exist in their own small worlds and can't handle satire, parody, wordplay, social comment, or difference. Life is made of difference…
Brian Barratt enjoys meeting folk he goes along life’s way. “When you've lived and worked in four countries with four different cultures, you relish chance encounters with people from Egypt, Italy, Cambodia, Greece, India, Romania, Vietnam, Sudan, Russia, Mauritius…’’
For hours of enjoyable mental stimulation please do visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 27, 2006
Save The Steeple
…It is rather difficult to trace Dr Fudge’s early career in the Church. This might be because of his ardent belief in Love, and the subsequent complaints of other seminarians. Another contributory factor could relate to his keen personal interest in youth clubs in various large cities…
Brian Barratt alerts us to the needs of the Rt Rev. Dr Mortlake Fudge, B.A. (Delhi) (failed), and his appeals for funds to restore St Thoe’s pro-cathedral which has a steeple in desperate need of repair.
For further generous helpings of exuberance please read more of Brian’s columns by clicking on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And follow that up with hours and hours of intellectual fun by visiting his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 20, 2006
Suffrage And Secrets
“But here’s a surprise — Mme. Marie Deraismes, a French Freemason and Freethinker, and head of the Women's Rights Movement. A female Freemason? Impossible, surely?…’’
Brian Barratt goes exploring in the obituary pages of The Times for 1891, there to discover the astonishing Mme. Deraismes who founded a lodge which admitted both men and women.
“There you are then, ladies,'' says Brian “thanks to Marie Deraismes, you too can become a Knight of the Brazen Serpent or a Sublime Prince of the Royal Secret.’’
To read more of Brian’s sparkling words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
October 13, 2006
Nests And Graves
While Brian Barratt was walking through a cemetery there was a sudden rush of air, the threatening clack of a strong beak. A male magpie dived towards him, protecting its young in a nearby nest. The incident set Brian to musing: Does someone or something protect those in these graves, the ones who have gone before?
For more of Brian’s speculative words please click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. To join in the mental athletics sponsored and promoted by Brian visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 06, 2006
The Whinges Of Henry IX
There’s a life-size replica of the Lincoln imp, a considerably less-than-life-size copy of Michelangelo’s David, a naked Etruscan lady… Then there’s Henry IX.
Brian Barratt introduces us to some of the distinguished personages in his private collection.
For more of Brian’s joyous words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 29, 2006
Sole Rubbers
…A proponent of ‘Intelligent Design’ theory explained that when he gets to a certain point in his research, he has to assume that someone or something created the item he’s studying. That creative force, he said, can’t be identified by Science. In other words, when you can’t find the answer, you give up. That is the very antithesis of Science, which does not claim to know all the answers but opens ways of seeking for them….
Brian Barratt puts in a witty and and well-argued plea for the rule of reason and sound science.
Do please visit Brian’s mentally invigorating Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 22, 2006
Infection
Brian Barratt reminds us of the treasure in a child's smile. Brian’s weekly columns bring immediate delight to readers and also serve as signposts to happiness.
For lots more fun with words and ideas do please visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
September 15, 2006
From Plums To Bicycles
Pity poor Captain Charles Sturt, a military man and determined explorer. He traced rivers, sought lakes, aiming for the very centre of the vast island continent of Australia. In doing so he opened up nearly 5,000km of land. He had to give up, due to scurvy, severe sunburn, and near blindness. Eventually Captain Sturt returned to England where his courage and enterprise were recognised, but he died a few days before being knighted…
Brian Barratt, an intrepid time traveller and wordsmith, ventures back 134 years to explore the obituary columns of The Times newspaper, there to discover' another astonishing cast of international characters.
For more fun with words and ideas visit Brian's celebrated Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
September 08, 2006
The Teeth In My Bottom
"When you have toothache you tend to think you're reaching the end of civilization as we know it,'' says Brian Barratt.
While considering the ouchy subject of molars in this delightfully painful column Brian comes up with the likeliest of all explanations for the Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile.
For more of Brian's scrumptious words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And for a happy abundance of mind-stretching fun do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 01, 2006
Through The Clouds
Brian Barratt takes us on a rewarding journey that begins with snow and clouds, then progresses via Olivier Messiaen’s ‘Turangalîla Symphony’ to the meaning of life, the universe and everything else.
"In the philosophical search, we sometimes look beyond life and the universe and question ‘everything else’,'' says Brian. "Of course, when I was 17 I knew all the answers. Now I’m 70, and I’ve spent quite a few years clarifying the questions. That probably applies to most of us, eh?''
To read more of Brian's stimulating words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And for lots more intellectual fun visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 25, 2006
They're Taking Our Jobs
Brian Barratt talks to a Russian bus driver with a PhD in military logistics and a taste for classical music, and an Afghan taxi driver who is a qualified engineer and speaks Persian, Russian, French and English.
"Bigots moan that all these foreigners are taking our jobs,'' says Brian. "Well, mate, I welcome them.''
To read more of his civilised. compassionate and good-humoured words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And for endless hours of fun with words and ideas visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
August 18, 2006
Planned Failings
Think you have a good command of the English language? An extensive vocabulary? Do please tell us then what a person who makes guitars is called.
Brian Barratt provides the answer, along with entertaining examples of how the language fashioned on a small island in the Northern Hemisphere has been minced and mangled as it spread across the world.
Dip into a treasure trove of ideas and challenging word games by visiting Brian's web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 11, 2006
Creatures
Brian Barratt heard a night-time tap-rap-tap at his former home in an outer suburb of an African city.
…Nearby noises without a visible cause are creepier. Then it dawned on me — the weird tapping came from inside my wardrobe. I cautiously opened the wardrobe door. On the back of it, a tiny gecko was industriously trying to swallow a locust bigger than he was…
Brian, whose wonderfully engaging prose ensures that you will read on, rather than running for cover, introduces more creatures of the creepy-crawley kind.
For lots more intellectual fun visit Brian's Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 04, 2006
Bloomers And Bullet-Proof Coats
…It’s difficult to find the precise identity of Mr William Stokes’s “Wonderful Boy”. Entertainment at The Royal Aquarium, Westminster, included the opportunity to consult Mr Stokes — who was then known as Professor Stokes, by the way — on how to improve your memory. Before you did that, you could watch a grand spectacle entitled “The War in Egypt”. Mr Farini’s walrus was also on show, as were some crocodiles…
Brian Barratt, an author who keenly appreciates an unusual name and an expansive character, explores The Times's death notices for 1893. There he discovers "treasures'' – Mrs Gubbins, the hero of Shimonoseki, the Queen of Korea, and more.
For many more delicious and nourishing helpings of intellectual stimulation visit Brian's Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
July 28, 2006
The Smallest Room
Brian Barratt takes a historical, if restricted, meander around The Room To Which We All Must Go.
For more delightful literary effusions from Brian’s well-stocked mind please do click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. Visit also his stimulating Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 21, 2006
And Here Is The News
…A fifteen-year-old Croydon boy has been suspended by his head since last September because of his long hair..
The inimitable and irrepressible Brian Barratt is irritated and amused by journalistic howlers, and the production of Manglish.
July 14, 2006
Quietude
In a rackety world Brian Barratt finds some quiet thinking space in the wetlands which lie beyond his garden fence. “It’s a place where peace comes dropping slow from the veils of late afternoon, when golden sunlight fades into blue-grey evening haze...’’
Brian’s weekly Open Writing columns are manna for the thoughtful mind. For more of his polished words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
And do please visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
July 07, 2006
Straw
…Just inside the fence there was an ancient railway carriage. How it got there was a mystery. Why it was there was also a bit of a puzzle. It was full of straw. No, I tell a lie. It wasn’t quite full but there was plenty of it…
Brian Barratt’s vivid memories of childhood, with its magic, mysteries and scary dark areas beyond the protecting fence, make for reading delight.
June 30, 2006
Planned Failings
So what do you call a banjo player? Now, now... This is a seriously funny column. Brian Barratt explores the idiosyncratic pronunciation and meaning of certain words.
For lots more mental fun and games visit Brian's Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 23, 2006
How To Be Somebody
The Prince of Waldeck-Pyrmont, the Duke of Ratibor, Prince of Hohenlobe-Waldenbürg-Schillingsfürst, Dona Marie Elsie Octavia Guery, wife of the ruler of Araucania…
Oh what a cast of characters did Brian Barratt discover while browsing through the venerable Times newspaper’s obituaries list for 1893!
For more of Brian’s champagne words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. And do please visit his stimulating Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 16, 2006
No Way Out
“My 80-year-old friend told how they had a trap-door in the floor, with a large iron ring to lift and lower it. As soon as anyone had been taken in, during the dark hours of night, the trap-door was closed. A thick-pile carpet was laid over it. A heavy cupboard was shifted onto the carpet. That way, a visiting Nazi military snooper wouldn’t feel anything unusual on the floor as he prowled around…’’
While out walking, observing the birds in the developing wetlands near his home, Brian Barratt encounters a Dutch lady who still carries in her mind scarring pictures of terrible days.
Brian’s wonderfully sympathetic and civilised columns provide a feast of good reading. To enjoy more of his words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For further mental stimulation visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
June 09, 2006
Amazing Conditions
“Advertisers get away with anything these days, don’t they, with Conditions Apply in the very small print at the bottom?…’’
Brian Barratt navigates his way through the muddy waters of Special Offers.
To read more of Brian’s invariably worthwhile words click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page. For a cornucopia of stimulating activities visit also his web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas
June 02, 2006
Fanning Distraction
“If we’re going to ban smoking, cars and alcohol, we should also ban people from using fans in public places. I mean old-fashioned hand-held fans, beautiful though they are to see, feel and use,’’ says the ebullient Brian Barratt.
Brian surveys the world and its doings from an oblique angle, recognising its peculiarities and discovering much more humour than if he met it eye to eye. To read more of his delicious columns click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
May 26, 2006
Front Door Dormitory
Oh delight! Brian Barratt is writing about the neighbourhood wildlife again. This time it’s pesky possums, cute creatures with an in-built talent to make a nuisance of themselves.
If you wish to limber up your brain do visit Brian’s very special Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 19, 2006
Who Knows?
…Various kinds of ducks paddle quietly along the creek amidst overhanging willows and ubiquitous eucalypts. There can be thirty or forty of them on one or more of the lakes. On the banks, mother leads a clutch of quacklings on a pilgrimage to some other place, while father brings up the rear, keeping an eye open for potential babybirdnappers….
As Brian Barratt admires the birdlife in the wetlands he tries to remember to smile nicely at the ibis.
If this sample of Brian’s beautifully-crafted prose has whetted your appetite for more pleasure from words, visit his wonderful Web site The Brain Rummager, www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 12, 2006
Lost In Its Own Depth
“Time takes on different aspects as we get older. When we crept at a snail’s pace to infant school, it took so long for small legs to get us there. Fifty later, longer legs take us there in ‘no time at all’. Perhaps the legs are influenced by the difference between not wanting to get there and wanting to get there.’’
Brian Barratt, with vigorous mind and stylish phrase, contemplates time - that variable an uncontrollable master of our lives.
Brian is 70 years old, as he reveals in this column, but his brain is as springy, inquisitive and adventurous as that of someone 50 years younger. For further confirmation of this fact visit his entertaining and challenging Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
May 05, 2006
One Way Ticket
“People who knew him described Nosbert Fleem as the most unforgettable character they had met. In most cases they tried hard to forget him, too… It is possible that many preferred, for perfunctory reasons known only to the upper classes, not to befriend the erstwhile All-England Beetle Crushing Champion.”
Brian Barratt introduces us to an incredible character. When you have read about Nosbert Fleem how could you ever forget him?
Brian, a man with a keen sense of humour and in insatiable appetite for ideas, runs a stimulating Web site, The Brain Rummager. For lots more fun and mental exercise visit www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 28, 2006
A Teacher Learns
“What a motley crowd! A Romanian who mesmerised us with his yarns; a Sri Lankan with a superb gift of whimsy; a Briton who had us in fits of laughter; an Aussie postie* who was writing a novel; a nun in plain clothes, who swore me to secrecy about her calling; a psychiatrist, who kept his secret so that people wouldn’t feel uncomfortable; a retired manufacturer of artificial eyes; a lampshade maker; the owner of a huge building corporation; and so many more…’’
Brian Barratt tells of the creative writing courses he has conducted, demonstrating the art of good writing while doing so.
For further intellectual treats visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com/~umbidas/
April 21, 2006
More Than A Funny Smell
…Some years ago, a close friend was sinking into depression and felt that his life had been pointless. ‘I feel like a candle burning in the dark, and when I go out nobody will ever know that I was here.’ Well, I had to cheer him up somehow, didn’t I? I told him, ‘Ah, but even a candle leaves a funny smell after it’s been extinguished’…
Brian Barratt measures out major historical events using the generations of his own family as a yard-stick.
Brian’s deliciously digressive columns provide instant delight and also lead on to fruitful contemplation. Read more of them by clicking on The Scrivener in the menu on this page.
For lots more intellectual fun visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 14, 2006
Rock Weather
…There was this fellow who decided that it was cruel to capture wild rocks. He adopted a tame one he found in his back garden. Just a small rock, seven centimetres long, about three inches in old money. He brought it indoors, washed it, and kept it in a little box…
Brian Barratt’s thoughts turn to pet rocks, dropped letters…and a phartmacy. Don’t ask. Just read, and enjoy. Brian’s virtuoso word-spinning is the equivalent of a Thai massage for the brain.
There’s lots more mental stimulation to be found by visiting Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
April 07, 2006
Premature Evacuation
By way of pastry brushes, a crumb-littered computer keyboard and face-down toast, Brian Barratt arrives at that uncomfortable subject, premature evacuation.
Brian assures us that the two signs/advertisements which he quotes are indeed genuine. However, this delicious Scrivener column should perhaps be taken with a pinch of salt – or maybe a spread of salty Marmite.
For lots more brain-challenging fun visit Brian's Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 31, 2006
Obedient Servant
…I’m sure she gets a great deal of pleasure from doing exactly what I command her to do on the floor…
Steady on there! Rein in that imagination! Brian Barratt is thinking of a carpet sweeper.
Having read his splendid column you really must visit Brian's new-look up-dated Web site, The Brain Rummager, www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 24, 2006
Sir Isambard Vestibule Greangryme
...Remind me, please. Who was that chap who concluded that the fly had invented the wheel but, having done so, had no idea what to do with it and had therefore assigned that task to another form of life? Ah yes! Sir Isambard Vestibule Greangryne...
Never heard of Sir Isambard? Then do please allow the inimitable Brian Barratt to introduce you to the great man, and some of his astonishing works.
And while your brain is in a flexible mode, willing to accept further entertaining challenges, visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 17, 2006
My Pet Yak
Brian Barratt, whose mind is constantly a-bubble and a-boil with inventive thoughts, suggests a replacement for the Swiss Army Knife – the Swift Barmy Knife.
For lots more fun and games with thoughts and words visit Brian’s wonderful Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 10, 2006
Quacks
Have you ever eaten a duck’s ect? Would you eat a duck’s ect? Wordsmith Brian Barratt ruminates on ects and ratten chairs. Amazing that ect and ratten should have escaped from the clutches of the compilers of dictionaries.
For lots more fun with words visit Brian’s Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
March 03, 2006
Wait To Be Told
…Faces in a crowd. They might seem ordinary, very ordinary. But, as a widely published author and journalist told me years ago, nothing is ordinary…
Brian Barratt possesses the writer’s greatest gifts - an interest in all kinds and classes of people, and a willingness to listen to their life stories. From chance encounters he gleans material for hundreds and thousands of thoughtful and entertaining words.
To experience more of Brian’s word magic visit his Web site The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 24, 2006
The Presence Of The Past
Brian Barratt shares some musical memories - memories which you can experience aurally by purchasing some bargain-price Naxos CDs.
You can further share in Brian’s innate love of words and playfulness by visiting his Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 17, 2006
I Want To Finish
'Light blue touch paper and retire immediately' said the label on the firework. So uncle lit the touch paper, went home, handed in his resignation the following day – and he hasn’t done a stroke of work since…
Wordsmith Brian Barratt finds fun in everyday signs and labels, though it has to be said that his title for this column is most unsuitable. When the Scrivener is scribing his entertaining words the reader most certainly does not want him to finish.
For more fun with words visit Brian’s Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 10, 2006
Mushrooms
…Alien abduction. Pyramids sharpening razor-blades. Crop circles. Noah’s ark. These are just some of the phenomena which mystify most of us. In the interests of multidynamic metaphase transchronology, I wish to announce that I have solved an even greater mystery.
You have all experienced it, right here on Earth. You walk up to a check-out at a shop or supermarket. You place your purchases upon the counter. And nobody takes a blind bit of notice of you…
Oh, the irritation of being ignored at the check-out counter by chattering shop assistants! Thanks to Brian Barratt’s exuberant and humorous speculations, we can now at least chuckle quietly to ourselves when shop assistants behave as though they haven’t seen us.
For lots more good fun with words visit Brian’s Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
February 03, 2006
Forbidden Areas
"A primary school librarian told me in the 1980s that she would not buy any book that had ‘bum’ in it. Being a polite little chap, I refrained from asking her which part of their anatomy her students were permitted to sit on whilst in the library.'' Brian Barratt generates a delicious abundance of literary fun as he contemplates the use and validity of certain three-letter words.
For more fun with words visit Brian's Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 27, 2006
Small Things
"Little Arthur has been a friend for some time. A nodding acquaintance, if you like. But today he expressed his affection for the first time — he licked my beard. When they venture close enough, floor-mop dogs think my beard is one of them...''
Who could resist reading through to the final word of a column which begins so delightfully? Brian Barratt's words are invariably entertaining, and always wise.
January 20, 2006
Reminders
"Are wetland walks an attempt to escape from the darkness? Perhaps they are. They’re also a reminder that there is richness, beauty and purpose in life . . . somewhere...'' Brian Barratt enjoys the ducks, swifts, magpies, and all the other wild creatures he sees when he steps through the gate in the back fence.
Brian's wetland walks are an opportunity to meditate on the darkness in some humans hearts, and the goodness in others.
Brian's Web site, The Brain Rummager, provides lots of positive fun with words. Visit www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 13, 2006
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Ten
Brian Barratt concludes his 10-part series about his life-long love of circuses with a poem which he wrote when he was nine years old.
Click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page and read the previous nine articles which tell of Brian’s spangles nd sawdust delights in various parts of the world.
For further word fun visit Brian’s Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
January 06, 2006
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Nine
Brian Barratt, continuing his star-spangled series on his life-long enthusiasm for circuses, recalls some of the big-top acts he has seen in Australia.
“Oh, yes,’’ says Brian “I should mention that my childhood ambition was to be a circus clown. Funny walks, silly costumes, painted face, OK. But somersaults were beyond my ability, let along tightrope walking. So I became a publisher and then a writer. Same thing, perhaps?’’
For more entertaining words visit Brian's Web site, The Brian Rummager, www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 30, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Eight
“In this age of television and instant entertainment, we have access to the most remarkable circuses and circus acts, which tend to make the smaller shows look tame. But, however tatty, however gaudy, the local tenting circus has the magic of the ‘live show…’’ Brian Barratt continues his splendid series on circuses.
For further intellectual stimulation visit Brian’s Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 23, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Seven
Brian Barratt recalls the Flying Fruit Fly Circus, in which all the performers were childen, and other youthful circus performers.
Click on The Scrivener in the menu on this page and read earlier episodes of Spangles and Sawdusty, written in homage to the thousands of entertainers who have brought so much pleasure into the life of an ardent circus fan.
December 16, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Six
“I think it is important always to take a child, or some children, to the circus. The expressions on their faces, and their chatter on the way home, are indications of how good the show was.’’
Brian Barratt, a man with a life-long enthusiasm for the glamour, glitter and razzle-dazzle of circuses, brings you the next best thing to sitting in a tiered seat in a Big Top.
For lots more fun with words visit Brian's Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 09, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Five
Brian Barratt, a life-long circus enthusiast, can lay claim to a unique experience. After the world’s youngest lion tamer, then aged 19, had been scratched by one of his animals during a training session, he sat astride the pillion seat of Brian’s motorbike to be transported to the nearest hospital.
For many more entertaining surprises visit Brian’s Web site, The Brain Rummager. www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
December 02, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Four
“An enormous trailer was driven into the ring, the lights went down, and from some sort of keyboard the whole thing was induced to give forth splendid sprays and fountains that rose and fell to music, with colourful lighting making it a memorable sight….’’ Brian Barratt recalls Wilkie’s Great Continental Circus and Boswells Circus, both of which he saw while living in Zimbabwe (then Southern Rhodesia).
November 25, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Three
“The building below the great iron tower housed an impressive aquarium; a cinema; an indoor zoo which worried me; a ballroom famed for Reginald Dixon At The Wonder Wurlitzer; and, of course, the circus…’’ Continuing his spangles-and-glitter series, Brian Barratt tells of a visit to the Blackppol Tower circus, the highlight of his circus-going life.
November 18, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part Two
Brian Barratt, whose enthusiasm for circuses is evident in every sentence, introduces us to some famous Big Top characters, including Lord George Sanger, well know for his Genuine White Elephant, a pachyderm which harboured a huge secret.
For more fun with words visit Brian’s Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 11, 2005
Spangles And Sawdust - Part One
And now ladies and gentlemen, for your delight and delectation….a very special treat…something to make you gasp with wonder… chuckle in delight…we bring you THE CIRCUS!
Brian Barratt has had a life-long enthusiasm for the glitter, glamour and excitement of circuses; an enthusiasm expressed so entertainingly in this column, the first of a ten-part series.
For more fun with words visit Brian’s Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
November 04, 2005
Paths
"The challenge when writing is to keep history in perspective. Especially when you’re close to it. That’s because what you would like to happen is not always what does happen...''
Brian Barratt, a man with an expansive mind who readily chats to folk he meets along life's way, hears an astonishing story of endurance and survival.
October 28, 2005
Wonder, Love And Wallets
Brian Barratt tells the delectable tale of a day when, confronted on the footpath by a statue of Jesus with a bleeding heart, he and a friend were lured into a shop – there to encounter the statue of a goat, immitation Art Deco young ladies (in yellow plaster), and a “world class sculptor’’.
October 21, 2005
The Upper Level
“Well, I’ve never before stood in the middle of a large shopping centre with tears running down my cheeks…’’ Brian Barratt hears Chinese music and enters a country of the soul.
Do visit Brian’s enchanting Web site, The Brain Rummager www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
October 14, 2005
Consider The Ant
“”They’re such a busy breed, ants. Hithering and thithering, and constantly communicating. You eventually notice that they’ve built little towers….’’ The delightfully discursive Brian Barratt considers the ant, arthritis in six knees (or perhaps even twelve) and a time to be useful.
October 07, 2005
The Plant
There was one word on the foyer door. PLANT. And that simple arrangement of five letters sent a bumpy goose running up and down Brian Barratt's arms.
For more delicious fun with words visit Brian's Web site: www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 30, 2005
Between The Lines
“Years ago, I was given a lift by the devout pastor of a local church. He was about eighty and loved the Lord. He also drove a small, fast, sporty type of car. He had no regard for white lines…’’ Brian Barratt asks for good manners, respect and safety from drivers when they are dealing with those white lines.
For another generous helping of pleasure visit Brian’s Web site: www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
September 23, 2005
Look For The Egress
"It is said that when emotion comes through the door, intelligence flies out of the window.'' Brian Barrett says that we believe what we want to believe, but we should be very cautious when faith and healing are based on deception.
Visit Brian's Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/ and dip into a cornucopia of mind-stretching delights.
September 16, 2005
Opening Doors
The whoooosh of a bank's self-opening doors opens sixty years of doors in Brian Barratt's mind.
Go on! Accept the Open Writing invitation to continue reading this column by The Scrivener - and you will pass through a magical doorway into the land of reading pleasure.
September 09, 2005
A Big Man
"Should you pluck up enough courage to walk up to a Cash-and-Wrap counter, and interrupt their deliberations, they have a special technique of making you feel that you are in the wrong building or, at least, talking to the wrong person...'' Brian Barratt writes about department store sales staff - and Intimate Apparel.
September 02, 2005
Are You Listening?
"You meet people who do not or will not listen. Or, if they do, they don't think.'' Brian Barratt fails to convey a message about paracetamol.
August 26, 2005
How Are You, Really?
"Whatever you do, never show anyone your scar,'' advises Brian Barratt. ""Ah, I see you've guessed - yes, they'll show you their scar, and it will be much larger and much nastier.''
After reading Brian's amusing column you may well conclude that there is one question that should never be asked by way of a greeting.
For more entertainment visit Brian's Web site http://www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 19, 2005
Between The Anvil And The Hammer
When Brian Barratt went to the shop to buy draught stoppers for his doors he unexpectedly entered into serious conversation with a young refugee from Sudan.
Brian, a compassionate man and a consummate wordsmith who writes sparkling prose, will be contributing regularly to Open Writing.
His own Web site, The Brain Rummager, is a treasure house for all those who delight in words and word games.
http://www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/
August 12, 2005
A Sparkling New Columnist
Here's an enthusiastic welcome to a new Open Writing columnist, Brian Barratt. Brian has an unrivalled zest, thirst and enthusiasm for words. Visit his Web site www.alphalink.com.au/~umbidas/ for intellectual fun and games.
Brian will be writing a regular column for Open Writing under the title The Scrivener.
Categories
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